Optimizing for attractiveness

I want to spend a sub­stan­tial frac­tion of my time op­ti­miz­ing my­self in the di­rec­tion of be­ing more at­trac­tive to fe­males, and I’d re­ally ap­pre­ci­ate your sug­ges­tions on how to do so.


It should be pretty self-ex­plana­tory, but in case you’re won­der­ing: re­la­tion­ships are a big part of per­sonal hap­piness, and where I am now, I feel more in­clined to­ward in­creas­ing the num­ber and vari­abil­ity of short- or mid­dle-term sex­ual re­la­tion­ships rather than just pick­ing a girl who wants to be my wife and run with it. But at the mo­ment women aren’t ex­actly chas­ing me down the streets, so I want to offer them a more pleas­ant ex­pe­rience of my com­pany than what it already is.


I sincerely think this post should pro­voke none of the above. I’m not ask­ing for ways to trick women into lik­ing me, nor about gen­der differ­ences about what males pre­fer over fe­males, etc. Please try re­ally hard to avoid mind-kil­ling sub­jects into your com­ments. I’m ‘just’ ask­ing for ways to change my­self into be­ing a more sex­u­ally at­trac­tive hu­man be­ing.


I’m aware of the di­chotomy ly­ing around: at­trac­tion can be cre­ated vs at­trac­tion can only be am­plified. In both cases there should be at least some­thing that can be done.
I’m also aware that some peo­ple strongly dis­like posts full of per­sonal de­tails, so I will try to keep them at min­i­mum, while at the same time try­ing to provide the nec­es­sary de­scrip­tion of my situ­a­tion.

I would like

Try to aim for ad­vice on sta­ble im­prove­ments, about as­pects that are proven to be sex­u­ally at­trac­tive to straight fe­males, in the age range of 20 to 40.
For ex­am­ple, I know that height or fa­cial sym­me­try are proven to re­sult uni­ver­sally at­trac­tive, but I can­not re­ally change that, and sole-lifts or make-up are so short-term solu­tions to bor­der on ‘trick­ing women’ (yes, I know that women use those tricks too, I sim­ply would like to in­vest my time bet­ter).

My situation

This is the short­est pos­si­ble de­scrip­tion: I’m a straight male in my thir­ties, heav­ily over­weight, liv­ing in Italy in a 20k peo­ple town, with a job pay­ing me about $20k a year.
If you think you need more de­tails ask for them in the com­ments or PM me.

What I’m already do­ing/​plan­ning to do

The first ob­vi­ous choice is get­ting fit, al­though it’s about two years I’m try­ing differ­ent diets with no re­sults, so I’d re­ally need poin­t­ers in that di­rec­tion. I’ve also heard about train­ing pro­grams that tells you to con­cen­trate on shoulders, be­cause ap­par­ently shoulder-to-waist ra­tio of 1.5 or more is es­pe­cially at­trac­tive.
I’ve also been told mul­ti­ple times by mul­ti­ple sources that women val­ues con­fi­dence, com­pe­tence and lead­er­ship. I un­der­stand the con­fi­dence part in be­ing able to ex­press with­out em­barass­ment your in­ter­est (but still in a so­cially grace­ful man­ner), but I would re­ally like poin­t­ers about what area of my life I could en­gage to be­come more com­pe­tent or a leader. In what do­mains women like com­pe­tence/​lead­er­ship?
My only hobby at the mo­ment are the game of Go and dab­bing in math/​log­ics/​AI, which, as fas­ci­nat­ing as they are, are sel­dom con­sid­ered very at­trac­tive.

What I’m not sure about

Is fash­ion im­por­tant? I un­der­stand that I need to dress well for my built, but I would like to know if a Ver­sace but­ton down shirt is more at­trac­tive than a plain brand one.

False beliefs

Do you think am I do­ing the right thing? Or am I wrong in my search for at­trac­tive­ness? Should I con­cen­trate on some­thing to­tally un­re­lated? Dose the phys­i­cal as­pect mat­ter or I should con­cen­trate more on char­ac­ter? Am I com­pletely off track?
If you think I’m grossly mis­taken, in the name of Omega let me know!


If you think this post doesn’t be­long in a com­mu­nity de­voted ra­tio­nal­ity and self-im­prove­ment, feel free to down­vote, but at least try to in­di­cate a way to bet­ter phrase the prob­lem or point me to an­other com­mu­nity I can ask the same ques­tion.

Thank you very much!