but I cannot really change that, and sole-lifts or make-up are so short-term solutions to border on ‘tricking women’
On reflection, I think the kind of ‘trick’ involved here is one you want to exploit.
Attraction seems to be pre-rational. We can introspect rationally about it, but in such an evolutionarily fraught topic we can expect all sorts of biases.
Women, girls, seem to decorate themselves instinctively. I know my 4 year old was not trying to attract a mate when she would spend an hour in front of the mirror working on her hair, or hours playing “dress up” complete with make-up with her sister. And yet, it is the decorated women men react to most viscerally. Is it a trick? Can you say “I only THOUGHT I was sexually attracted to her but it turned out I didn’t realize she was wearing makeup?” I think if you are attracted you are attracted and it doesn’t much matter how you got that way.
In my own recent experience, as a 56 year old separated man, I am looking at ourtime.com. I noticed with one particular woman that I liked her picture so much that I would like her more no matter how old that picture was, just for having seen that picture. I have noticed that I am still attracted to women I was attracted to 40 years ago, even though to others they look like more or less typical 56 year old women. I wish I could implant a 40 year old memory of every woman my age I might be interested in. The trick isn’t to find an attractive 56 year old woman, the trick I think is to be attracted to a person you could really get along with.
And so anything that helps the all-important pre-rational or non-rational attractiveness stuff work is a plus.
I am also pretty heavy (BMI=40). I look at Chris Christie (governor of New Jersey) and I think I could take some lessons from him. I couldn’t tell you versace vs other brand, but I can tell you suit rather than ripped blue jeans, well fitting as appropriate for your shape vs tent-like with elastic, and so on. I’m guessing that rationalist males who are very overweight are probably quite alienated from their physical attractiveness, I know I am. I am using my rational mind to fill in the gaps where my pre-rational mind seems to have dropped the ball.
Another interesting hint: no matter how fat you are, 5 pounds less is better. You might think you can’t see the difference so it isn’t worth it, but I am always shocked when I lose weight at the subtle improvements that happen right up front, from the 3XL shirt hanging on me sligtly more nicely looking, the better shape to my face as my neck slightly recedes. And my physical mobility increases, subtly: I get up from chairs faster even at 5 pounds less. I think what I say is true, but it is also motivational, if you THINK these things during the day, you are more likely to be active and, on the margin, improve your eating.
Also, go sideways in your own market. Are there women who would have you but you don’t find them attractive? If they are rationally what you would want, see if you can figure out how to “trick” yourself in to being attracted to them. This tight filter evolution has placed on our finding others attractive may serve Darwin but it doesn’t serve the individual trying to maximize his enjoyment. Striving and self-criticism serve Darwin! So fnork Darwin and learn how to be attracted to a fattie.
In most of history, high status men and women seem to dress up about equally—I suspect that interest in clothes is trained out of most boys very early in our culture.
The trained into/not trained out of distinction is an interesting one, and I think it would take a lot of close observation to figure out which of those is dominant.
I think it’s just a matter of where to draw the baseline on the map, rather than a question about the territory—after all feral children don’t show that much interest in clothes, do they? so children mostly “learn” whether or not to be interested in clothes from their environment—but OTOH it’s still an empirical question how much of the teaching is deliberate.
On reflection, I think the kind of ‘trick’ involved here is one you want to exploit.
Attraction seems to be pre-rational. We can introspect rationally about it, but in such an evolutionarily fraught topic we can expect all sorts of biases.
Women, girls, seem to decorate themselves instinctively. I know my 4 year old was not trying to attract a mate when she would spend an hour in front of the mirror working on her hair, or hours playing “dress up” complete with make-up with her sister. And yet, it is the decorated women men react to most viscerally. Is it a trick? Can you say “I only THOUGHT I was sexually attracted to her but it turned out I didn’t realize she was wearing makeup?” I think if you are attracted you are attracted and it doesn’t much matter how you got that way.
In my own recent experience, as a 56 year old separated man, I am looking at ourtime.com. I noticed with one particular woman that I liked her picture so much that I would like her more no matter how old that picture was, just for having seen that picture. I have noticed that I am still attracted to women I was attracted to 40 years ago, even though to others they look like more or less typical 56 year old women. I wish I could implant a 40 year old memory of every woman my age I might be interested in. The trick isn’t to find an attractive 56 year old woman, the trick I think is to be attracted to a person you could really get along with.
And so anything that helps the all-important pre-rational or non-rational attractiveness stuff work is a plus.
I am also pretty heavy (BMI=40). I look at Chris Christie (governor of New Jersey) and I think I could take some lessons from him. I couldn’t tell you versace vs other brand, but I can tell you suit rather than ripped blue jeans, well fitting as appropriate for your shape vs tent-like with elastic, and so on. I’m guessing that rationalist males who are very overweight are probably quite alienated from their physical attractiveness, I know I am. I am using my rational mind to fill in the gaps where my pre-rational mind seems to have dropped the ball.
Another interesting hint: no matter how fat you are, 5 pounds less is better. You might think you can’t see the difference so it isn’t worth it, but I am always shocked when I lose weight at the subtle improvements that happen right up front, from the 3XL shirt hanging on me sligtly more nicely looking, the better shape to my face as my neck slightly recedes. And my physical mobility increases, subtly: I get up from chairs faster even at 5 pounds less. I think what I say is true, but it is also motivational, if you THINK these things during the day, you are more likely to be active and, on the margin, improve your eating.
Also, go sideways in your own market. Are there women who would have you but you don’t find them attractive? If they are rationally what you would want, see if you can figure out how to “trick” yourself in to being attracted to them. This tight filter evolution has placed on our finding others attractive may serve Darwin but it doesn’t serve the individual trying to maximize his enjoyment. Striving and self-criticism serve Darwin! So fnork Darwin and learn how to be attracted to a fattie.
Good luck!
In most of history, high status men and women seem to dress up about equally—I suspect that interest in clothes is trained out of most boys very early in our culture.
Yes. I’d put it more as “is no longer trained into” than “is trained out of”, though.
The trained into/not trained out of distinction is an interesting one, and I think it would take a lot of close observation to figure out which of those is dominant.
I think it’s just a matter of where to draw the baseline on the map, rather than a question about the territory—after all feral children don’t show that much interest in clothes, do they? so children mostly “learn” whether or not to be interested in clothes from their environment—but OTOH it’s still an empirical question how much of the teaching is deliberate.