If you haven’t already, talk to a guy! (typically a therapist but doesn’t have to be)
I have something like this but for decisions, where I will avoid making decisions for mysterious reasons (we figured out it’s because I can’t be sure it’d be pareto optimal, among other reasons).
I now notice more often when I’m doing this, and correct more gracefully.
I’d say actual king power is getting the parade to follow you regardless of the deviations.
Just as you probably aren’t a very good wizard if you can only make things you’ve already seen others make, you probably aren’t a very good king if you can only lead if you follow the parade.