I am struggling with the same problem,
and I am doing the same thing as you.
I have rationalized my actions as follow:
As far as I can tell “large disruptions to human existence are coming in the next few years [4-6yrs]” is only very likely [~20-50%] according to super forecaster/prediction market, so it is significant and very much worth defending against but in the majority of worlds our actions still made sense.
I have also accepted “death with dignity”: I do not have a background [both professional and geographical] that allow me to work on alignment or contribute except financially [and even then only a miniscule amount] therefore it makes some sense that I would bet more on worlds that work out. I would change my behaviours if my situation changed though [anyone have an alignment job for a med student who aced the GAMSAT [S3:100, overall:85]?]
I sure hope that the decision makers out there are making the right decision to preserve humans and my flourishing even though I presume the rationalists would have made better ones. Afterall they are human aren’t they?
I am also joining the anti AI political movement in my country but I don’t expect that to amount to much.
I have also enjoyed life more/doing more things in the moment and spend less time stressing about the future [?given up].
Australia