Karma: 77

Hello there,

I chose Caerulea-Lawrence as my nickname as I like birds, the color cerulean and I have an affinity with the name Lawrence.

My most important person in life is my partner. I met her years back, and it has been, and still is, a true before and after.

At the moment, except from introspecting, trying to increase the communication between the cognitive functions in myself, and between me and my partners’, my biggest wish is to find people that can hold the kind of depth, sincerity, intensity and complexity that we hold with each other.

If you are okay with questioning absolutely everything, and to follow the thread wherever it leads, even when that might lead to a direct conflict with senses, experiences and even with the Universe itself (Spoiler, it already does), why don’t you say hello.

There are so many things that simply need others to be able to hold, as they are either too painful or incomplete as individuals, or even as a pair.

We have what seems to be extremely high standards for ourselves and others, that I many times wonder if we will simply travel through this lifetime alone, our longing slowly festering into some kind of social mask we will either choose to have on, or decide to not give a fuck anymore and just be increasingly weird and eccentric. We have intuitions on what we are looking for, but more and more we wonder if we should just be happy with what we have.

We wish to delve, what seems to be, far too deep into dualities, complexities and the depths of our minds/​souls. Even behind and into all the nitty gritty dark spiderwebs of ourselves that people hide, without neglecting acknowledging our weaknesses, limitations and faults. The inconsistencies, the hatred, the anger, the sorrow, listfulness, dejectedness, and the intensity and complexity of these emotions and the values that drive them. Not to mention forces that we don’t understand, that we simply call chaos and fate. (Not acronyms, but those are inside words).
We are also not vibrantly healthy, and our life-stories are a painful mess that wouldn’t be a series you would come unscathed out of watching.

Our good qualities are that since we go so deep, and turn every stone, are highly sensitive, introspective and reflective feelers/​thinkers, any potential new friendship with someone else, will be as close, intimate and committed as we can imagine.

To specify, what we are looking for isn’t simple harmony, deep friendship for life, people to live on a farm and have permaculture with. What we want goes beyond that, beyond life and death. Delving into the “spiritual/​metaphysical” with as serious a mind and steady a hand as any worthwhile pursuit, with people that we can trust as much as we trust ourselves.
A group of people that, if we so agree, would decide to leave life, earth and this universe behind, to go on a journey somewhere we would prefer to reside. A group of people, or ‘souls’, if given the choice, you would choose over any and every possible thing imaginable you can have in this Universe.
The group of people that could help contain and help look at whatever truths that inevitably will stab us in the face as we pool our efforts and wills together.
The kind of people that you can trust because your goals and visions align now, but also because they include future growth, change and evolution—So I guess it is better to say people that have a similar growth rate as us.

I do, from the bottom of my heart, hope to meet someone, someone we at this point is guessing is another couple/​pair of people or small group of some kind.
Other limitations we have are that we can’t imagine moving very far. And yes, we aren’t vegan or anything.

If you are still with me, we deep-dive into childhood/​past lives structures on the daily, and there is a lot of trauma we simply work around. Life is a lot of painful thorns, and even though we don’t expect someone similar to us to feel great in society, we hope that the commitment and fulfilling bonds we will share, can help in traversing yours and our lives.

Thanks for reading, and wish you well. If you are “one of our people”, then for fuck’s sake say hello already - But I mean, you probably have your situation too.