How to get past Haidt’s elephant and listen

First, some examples.

In my beginning programming classes, I tell students (and show them): write comments first, before coding. Some won’t. I tell them: write the algorithm first. I prove this will save them time. There’s a whole chapter on why and how to do this. Many won’t. (Except twice, they really got it. IDK why.) As time goes by—I hope! -- they learn that this is the way to go. How can I help them hear at the start?

I was with my 6-ish nephew, and he wanted to show me a computer game. Computer wouldn’t start. He called in his mom for help. She said, Sure, I’ll try, but I think you should know your uncle knows everything I do about computers and more. I could see on his face: he was waiting for her to stop talking nonsense and fix the damn thing. Why couldn’t he hear her?

I was at an informal lecture; the presenter used the story of Cain and Abel to comment on a supposed conflict between ranchers and farmers in ancient times. I went to speak to him. He said, “I’m sorry if you were offended.” I said, “No, it was great! I really liked [blah blah].” He said, “OK. I’m sorry if you were offended.” I said, “I wasn’t offended at all. [More details].” He said, “OK. I have to go. I’m sorry you were offended.” Why couldn’t he hear?

And then there’s the kid with the terrible twos. “It’s time to eat. We have pizza, your favorite!” Response: “NO!” (Didn’t he hear you say “pizza”?)

Haidt (The Righteous Mind) and probably others think it’s the elephant, the part of the brain that’s emotion and intuition and gut, that’s charging on, heedless of the babblings of the rider, the intellectual part we think it in charge but actually functions to justify what the elephant already decided to do. OK. But it sure would be helpful if we could get to that elephant before it’s made up its stubborn mind. Haidt suggests: convince the elephant, not the rider (however that would work). I’ll add: if it’s me, I can decide not to care so much, so the elephant will be more cooperative.

In the case of the beginning programmers, I already use self-interest (think of the time you’ll save!) and availability bias (every program they see starts with commenting). It worked better this semester. All I can think I did different was show them the grading scheme for a program, that 60% of it was commenting and algorithm. :) Maybe that was it; IDK.

This being LessWrong, of course we should consider how we have trouble hearing. This may be a challenge. If I didn’t hear it, I’ll have a hard time reporting that here. :)

What examples do you have? Why can’t you/​the other person hear? What can be done?