I suspect one source of the challenge is that we anticipate what others are going to say. I think it is probably true to say that about 99% of the time we can correctly complete any simple statement someone is saying to us. However, the over all message is more than just a statement. (I think perhaps not quite right here but maybe) How complex a communication, in terms of needed statements, before the expected level of “hearing” has dropped to miscommunications? (Perhaps a case of missing the forest for the trees?)
Focus is perhaps another, we anticipate and then before the speaker has completed their thought we’ve already started the response in our head—there by not actually hearing the full claim and misunderstanding.
I also think culture and communication style may come into play. Some build up slowly so those who want the bottom line first will be frustrated and, perhaps, confused because they are being asked to do a lot more work to hear than they are used to. I think this might s symmetrical so giving the bottom line first and then putting the argument together may be hard to follow for those the like the slow, build to the end approach of communicating.
Last might be recognizing the relevance. For both the worried about offending and the terrible two year old something that is being said isn’t adding up to the claim—be it I’m offering you something you want (pizza) or I’m not offended. In the offense case it may be that the speaker (and those he interacts with) would never actually acknowledge offense, and in fact might deny it even if they then set out saying some things that they view as having to flow from such a sentiment (not sure what was in the blah blah blah exchange)
I am pretty sure most of the above are failing I have had in communication at times—and in some cases (like anticipating and not having the patient to actually listen until the end) might be called chronic bad habits that I try working to improve.
I suspect one source of the challenge is that we anticipate what others are going to say. I think it is probably true to say that about 99% of the time we can correctly complete any simple statement someone is saying to us. However, the over all message is more than just a statement. (I think perhaps not quite right here but maybe) How complex a communication, in terms of needed statements, before the expected level of “hearing” has dropped to miscommunications? (Perhaps a case of missing the forest for the trees?)
Focus is perhaps another, we anticipate and then before the speaker has completed their thought we’ve already started the response in our head—there by not actually hearing the full claim and misunderstanding.
I also think culture and communication style may come into play. Some build up slowly so those who want the bottom line first will be frustrated and, perhaps, confused because they are being asked to do a lot more work to hear than they are used to. I think this might s symmetrical so giving the bottom line first and then putting the argument together may be hard to follow for those the like the slow, build to the end approach of communicating.
Last might be recognizing the relevance. For both the worried about offending and the terrible two year old something that is being said isn’t adding up to the claim—be it I’m offering you something you want (pizza) or I’m not offended. In the offense case it may be that the speaker (and those he interacts with) would never actually acknowledge offense, and in fact might deny it even if they then set out saying some things that they view as having to flow from such a sentiment (not sure what was in the blah blah blah exchange)
I am pretty sure most of the above are failing I have had in communication at times—and in some cases (like anticipating and not having the patient to actually listen until the end) might be called chronic bad habits that I try working to improve.