I’ve formerly done research for MIRI and what’s now the Center on Long-Term Risk; I’m now making a living as an emotion coach and Substack writer.
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Some communities have “assume good faith” as a rule/guideline and that seems to often work. I think if someone is defensive/triggered, responding in kind tends to make the person dig in more. If you instead assume the person is engaging in good faith, that may draw them into a mode of good faith engagement even if that wasn’t their original posture.
Though this is potentially exploitable if the other person never does shift, so you need to make sure you don’t only stay in good-faith mode.