I’m not in an environment like that anymore. Yet I can’t unlearn the response. It sucks. The part of me that can see “drop everything, deflect blame, escape as soon as blame is shifted” as hugely counterproductive… has no power during the times when it would matter.
I know you didn’t ask for solutions, but I would highly recommend this sequence: https://www.lesswrong.com/s/ZbmRyDN8TCpBTZSip it might have some good pointers on how to change. I thought of it because it analyzed people changing similarly deeply ingrained patterns, albeit not ones related to violence afaik.
This is how I felt about animal rights when I went vegan like 7 years ago. I still feel this way about it.