>I am bad at most forms of normie social interaction and I have no clue how to break into a conversation anywhere else.
I feel like this too. But I get sick of intellectualism sometimes, so I enjoy playing free poker at a dive bar. It’s structured, it’s not awkward to be at the table without talking, and table talk at this particular dive comes easy and I don’t have to think about how to break into conversation. Most attendees are regulars and familiarity breeds friendliness. (Of course many regulars have their own little beefs with each other, but I… well I’ve developed one beef but that’s ok, we just ignore each other).
Actually I’m so bad at breaking into conversation that I usually bring a book or walk around outside in the 20 minutes between arriving and the start of the nightly tournament!
I’m not saying “go find a free dive bar poker tournament”, but yeah, something with some structure seems good. Sitting around at a football bar hoping someone talks to you is an ok way to pass the time but not overly promising socially.
I was trying to write a line here about how poker tournament social structure is different than philosophy meetup social structure but actually the primary difference is class. None of these people have ever considered attending a philosophy meetup. Most have never visited meetup.com or would know what it was. A recent memory: the type of guy who uses the term “chinese” to mean “asian”—no offense intended, no point to be made, simply “chinese”—fits in well at this bar.
You’ve tried the middle class; your investigation isn’t complete until you’ve hung out with the lower class. (Surely that will turn things around).
The question to solve is: where can you do this in your area that doesn’t require you to sit alone and wait to be roped into a conversation, nor requires you to do some kind of distasteful “cold approach” to try and insert yourself into a group? The goal is 1) structured 2) low class.
A bar with extremely valuable and special table estate, where tables are not assigned but rather bargoers sit wherever is open; and where it is at least a little unpleasant to be at the special table estate.
Now that I’ve written that condition, I’m not sure this exists outside of my example? But here is my example.
There is a bar in Minneapolis where the outside portion is open all winter. They have tables, at standing/stool height, with fires inset into the middle of the tables for warmth. There are 6 such tables, and 500 bargoers. But most of the people are inside, and the tables are never packed (cuz it’s cold, and because it’s an arcade bar and there are no arcade games outside).
If a fire table is free, you sit at it. People will come and ask if they can sit at it too. They’ll feel obligated to talk to you, since they’re at your table.
If a fire table has people, but there’s space (which is typically true), go and ask if you can stand there. The answer is always yes. Once you get situated, say “so how’s it going?” or “what are your names?”
My buddy and I used to do this a lot and it always worked. I once had a flagging date around the corner from the place, I liked her but we had run out of conversation, so I brought her there and we sat at a fire table and within 20 minutes the entire management staff of a retail store at the mall (??) was at our table talking with us.