I think the complement sandwich can be useful as a stepping stone to good communication. That said, I think of it as a narrow formulation of a more general (and less precisely defined) approach to conversation that I might point to with phrases like “work with people where they are at” and “be aware of the emotions that your words induce in other people”. There was an article on LessWrong that I can’t find, arguing that clear communication is worded to pre-emptively avoid likely misunderstandings and misconceptions. The idea I’m pointing to is like that, but concerning the emotional interpretation of your words rather than the literal meaning. I think this can apply just as much to the rationalist community as to any other community (although I haven’t had any conversations with rationalists so I don’t know for sure).
Like literary and conversational techniques in general, if they are followed as a hard rule then they risk coming across as formulaic and hence inauthentic. However I can imagine that it might be useful to adopt the complement sandwich as a rule until you gain a deeper understanding of the underlying mechanics.
Very interesting post. I’ll be interested to see how this fits in with other psychological frameworks that have been posited on this forum, like Chipmonk’s and Steven Byrnes’.
Some of what you’ve said so far resonates with me—I have had the experience of a particular instance of suffering dissolving pretty quickly once I noticed that the thing I was observing and the suffering I felt from it are distinct and can be separated from each other. Some of this seems unlike anything I’ve heard before (like the Attention-Respect-Security model) and I’m curious to see how this works in practice.