Well, you’ve managed to write a post that is both very interesting and also makes me deeply uncomfortable so kudos there.
Honestly, I’d prefer not to eat plants either, because I put a disconcertingly high probability that plants are also sentient.
Deeply relatable, I can’t wait to be genemodded to be able to photosynthesize.
I’ve been vegan for about three and a half years now after about three and a half years of omnivory after roughly 10 years of vegetarianism.
When I first went vegan it felt like a really profound moment of waking up and paying attention to the world and fully living within my values for the first time. I kinda did suspect it would harm me and I just didn’t care at all, I cared about the the outcomes for the world. I took going vegan slowly and replaced things in my diet one at a time, making sure I was doing it as sustainably as possible and maintaining my health and nutrient balance as best I could.
I like to think that I’m pretty good at noticing my body’s needs and adjusting my diet to meet them, I increased the amount of impossible products I ate when I started craving iron, I increased the amount of protein and vegetables I ate when started getting sore or moody, and overall that feedback loop has at least felt like it’s working, my body doesn’t feel bad and I don’t feel like I’m missing any vital nutrients, but the mental health effects could easily have been subtle enough to miss.
Which is where your post begins to get extremely uncomfortable to me, because...well if I actually look back over the years, those three years I spent being an omnivore did seem to correlate with increased productivity, emotional affect, and outlook on life, and in the three years I’ve spent vegan my productivity has dipped somewhat, my affect has gotten more neurotic, and while I wouldn’t say I’m anywhere near depressed, i don’t really feel as happy overall as I did back then. However...let’s look at confounders.
The biggest confounder is that my omnivore period corresponded with essentially backing entirely out of the EA/rationalist scene and focusing on my personal life, my art, and my own development and growth. I wasn’t as paranoid about global risks and I disengaged from most politics. I felt at least somewhat bad about not at least continuing to be vegetarian though and so during that period I also went around saying I was ontologically evil and no act against me was wrong. I don’t know how much of my mental health stuff is related to issues with my life not being particularly stable or optimised for my flourishing, how much of it is entangled with taking catastrophic risk seriously and letting that inform my choices, and how much of it is dietary, it’s all kinda smeared together into general life arcs. At least some of that seems likely to be responsible for my emotional affect and level of productivity, it’s hard to be productive when you’re constantly having to put out fires and juggle minor disasters to stay housed and fed.
When I went vegan, that corresponded with my learning decision theory, studying formal logic, re-engaging with the rationalist scene, and shifting my life plans to focus on mitigating and reducing x-risks, which is certainly stressful enough on its own without even factoring in the precarity in my personal life. That said, it’s felt much more sustainable this time around and I don’t feel at risk of crashing out the way that it seemed a lot of people did in the 2019-2021 period. I learned to put on my oxygen mask first and I think I’m doing a pretty good job presently of approaching things in way that won’t drive me off a cliff into severe mental illness.
I do worry about impairing my cognition or pushing myself into a worse state of mind from nutrient imbalances though, I want to be in things for the long-haul, saving the world is a marathon not a sprint, and it does no one any good if I ruin my health and can’t keep doing useful work. I try to listen to my body and keep healthy, my bloodwork looks frankly great every time I get blood drawn and my doctor says I’m very healthy for my age. It does still worry me though. Maybe on a deep level I know I’m doing something unhealthy, because your post was very hard to read and disquieting, like it’s pointing to something I can see but would really prefer to not see.
All that being said like...I don’t think I can actually stop being vegan at this point. Veganism has gotten wrapped up in my purity/disgust reactions and the idea of eating meat is just...deeply deeply unsettling and I legitimately don’t think I could force myself to do it. Even the idea of eating lab meat feels really gross and bad, and there’s not even any ethical issues there. I’m...maybe not approaching this as rationally as I was when I decided to go vegan. In fact I would say I know I’m not, it’s really emotionally charged and talking about veganism with omnivores frequently reduces me to tears. There’s probably some sort of moral scrupulosity thing going on there where I see being vegan as the proof that I’m not a psychopathic monster and it feels hard to imagine how I could live with myself if I started eating meat again. Yeah I could try to do it in a way that minimizes suffering to some degree but that flatly doesn’t feel good enough. I’ve said multiple times in the past that I’d be vegan until the day I died, I don’t feel tempted by animal products I feel disgusted by them. I don’t have any desire to “cheat”, even if it would improve my health to do so. So if it is harmfully impacting my health and impeding my ability to do good work in the world, that’s just...really deeply upsetting. I’m not utilitarian enough to bite that bullet and not feel like an irredeemable monster. I know asking this probably veers somewhat off topic from the actual discussion of nutrition but just...gosh what do I do?
Deeply relatable, I can’t wait to be genemodded to be able to photosynthesize.
I sometimes wonder whether I should want to be a digital mind at some point as this would definitely simplify the problem of suffering created by how I eat. I prefer your solution :)
Well, you’ve managed to write a post that is both very interesting and also makes me deeply uncomfortable so kudos there.
Deeply relatable, I can’t wait to be genemodded to be able to photosynthesize.
I’ve been vegan for about three and a half years now after about three and a half years of omnivory after roughly 10 years of vegetarianism.
When I first went vegan it felt like a really profound moment of waking up and paying attention to the world and fully living within my values for the first time. I kinda did suspect it would harm me and I just didn’t care at all, I cared about the the outcomes for the world. I took going vegan slowly and replaced things in my diet one at a time, making sure I was doing it as sustainably as possible and maintaining my health and nutrient balance as best I could.
I like to think that I’m pretty good at noticing my body’s needs and adjusting my diet to meet them, I increased the amount of impossible products I ate when I started craving iron, I increased the amount of protein and vegetables I ate when started getting sore or moody, and overall that feedback loop has at least felt like it’s working, my body doesn’t feel bad and I don’t feel like I’m missing any vital nutrients, but the mental health effects could easily have been subtle enough to miss.
Which is where your post begins to get extremely uncomfortable to me, because...well if I actually look back over the years, those three years I spent being an omnivore did seem to correlate with increased productivity, emotional affect, and outlook on life, and in the three years I’ve spent vegan my productivity has dipped somewhat, my affect has gotten more neurotic, and while I wouldn’t say I’m anywhere near depressed, i don’t really feel as happy overall as I did back then. However...let’s look at confounders.
The biggest confounder is that my omnivore period corresponded with essentially backing entirely out of the EA/rationalist scene and focusing on my personal life, my art, and my own development and growth. I wasn’t as paranoid about global risks and I disengaged from most politics. I felt at least somewhat bad about not at least continuing to be vegetarian though and so during that period I also went around saying I was ontologically evil and no act against me was wrong. I don’t know how much of my mental health stuff is related to issues with my life not being particularly stable or optimised for my flourishing, how much of it is entangled with taking catastrophic risk seriously and letting that inform my choices, and how much of it is dietary, it’s all kinda smeared together into general life arcs. At least some of that seems likely to be responsible for my emotional affect and level of productivity, it’s hard to be productive when you’re constantly having to put out fires and juggle minor disasters to stay housed and fed.
When I went vegan, that corresponded with my learning decision theory, studying formal logic, re-engaging with the rationalist scene, and shifting my life plans to focus on mitigating and reducing x-risks, which is certainly stressful enough on its own without even factoring in the precarity in my personal life. That said, it’s felt much more sustainable this time around and I don’t feel at risk of crashing out the way that it seemed a lot of people did in the 2019-2021 period. I learned to put on my oxygen mask first and I think I’m doing a pretty good job presently of approaching things in way that won’t drive me off a cliff into severe mental illness.
I do worry about impairing my cognition or pushing myself into a worse state of mind from nutrient imbalances though, I want to be in things for the long-haul, saving the world is a marathon not a sprint, and it does no one any good if I ruin my health and can’t keep doing useful work. I try to listen to my body and keep healthy, my bloodwork looks frankly great every time I get blood drawn and my doctor says I’m very healthy for my age. It does still worry me though. Maybe on a deep level I know I’m doing something unhealthy, because your post was very hard to read and disquieting, like it’s pointing to something I can see but would really prefer to not see.
All that being said like...I don’t think I can actually stop being vegan at this point. Veganism has gotten wrapped up in my purity/disgust reactions and the idea of eating meat is just...deeply deeply unsettling and I legitimately don’t think I could force myself to do it. Even the idea of eating lab meat feels really gross and bad, and there’s not even any ethical issues there. I’m...maybe not approaching this as rationally as I was when I decided to go vegan. In fact I would say I know I’m not, it’s really emotionally charged and talking about veganism with omnivores frequently reduces me to tears. There’s probably some sort of moral scrupulosity thing going on there where I see being vegan as the proof that I’m not a psychopathic monster and it feels hard to imagine how I could live with myself if I started eating meat again. Yeah I could try to do it in a way that minimizes suffering to some degree but that flatly doesn’t feel good enough. I’ve said multiple times in the past that I’d be vegan until the day I died, I don’t feel tempted by animal products I feel disgusted by them. I don’t have any desire to “cheat”, even if it would improve my health to do so. So if it is harmfully impacting my health and impeding my ability to do good work in the world, that’s just...really deeply upsetting. I’m not utilitarian enough to bite that bullet and not feel like an irredeemable monster. I know asking this probably veers somewhat off topic from the actual discussion of nutrition but just...gosh what do I do?
I feel the same. The social disapproval would also be somewhat big for me. I do think I will have to bite the bullet and do the experiment for a bit.
I sometimes wonder whether I should want to be a digital mind at some point as this would definitely simplify the problem of suffering created by how I eat. I prefer your solution :)