A top [1-5?]% conversation is as good in the moment as an early playthrough of my favorite video games, and feels better afterward. That’s probably top 10% of conversations at parties, which have higher selection pressure than uber drivers.
I’ve been working on getting more out of lower percentile conversations. The explanation is fairly woo-ey but might also relate to your interest around flirting.
Median conversation is about as good as a TV show I will watch for two episodes and give up on.
Tangent: my standards for media have gone way up over the last ~5 years, I abandon a lot more out of boredom, especially books. I worried this was some sort of generalized anhedonia, but every once in a while read or reread something great and enjoy it immensely, so I think it’s just raised standards.
I’ve been working on getting more out of lower percentile conversations. The explanation is fairly woo-ey but might also relate to your interest around flirting.
This mostly comes up with talkative Uber drivers. The superficial thing I do is I ask myself “what vibes is this person offering?” And then do some kind of centering move. Sometimes it feels unexpectedly good and I do an accepting mood and feel nourished by the conversation. Sometimes it will feel bad and I’ll be more aggressive in shutting conversations down. I’m often surprised by the vibe answer, it feels different than what my conscious brain would answer.
The obvious question is what am I doing with the inquiry and accepting moves. I don’t know how to explain that.
Overall a growth edge I’m exploring right now is “forms of goodness other than interesting.” And I think that’s probably a weak area for you too, although maybe an endorsed one
A top [1-5?]% conversation is as good in the moment as an early playthrough of my favorite video games, and feels better afterward. That’s probably top 10% of conversations at parties, which have higher selection pressure than uber drivers.
I’ve been working on getting more out of lower percentile conversations. The explanation is fairly woo-ey but might also relate to your interest around flirting.
Median conversation is about as good as a TV show I will watch for two episodes and give up on.
Tangent: my standards for media have gone way up over the last ~5 years, I abandon a lot more out of boredom, especially books. I worried this was some sort of generalized anhedonia, but every once in a while read or reread something great and enjoy it immensely, so I think it’s just raised standards.
I’d be interested to hear that.
This mostly comes up with talkative Uber drivers. The superficial thing I do is I ask myself “what vibes is this person offering?” And then do some kind of centering move. Sometimes it feels unexpectedly good and I do an accepting mood and feel nourished by the conversation. Sometimes it will feel bad and I’ll be more aggressive in shutting conversations down. I’m often surprised by the vibe answer, it feels different than what my conscious brain would answer.
The obvious question is what am I doing with the inquiry and accepting moves. I don’t know how to explain that.
Overall a growth edge I’m exploring right now is “forms of goodness other than interesting.” And I think that’s probably a weak area for you too, although maybe an endorsed one