It’s a very common life path for many autistic transfems, incluidng myself, but you’re still hella wrong about the motivation behind it. How is it getting easier to be loved by others if you’re female attracted? You’re complicating your dating life if anything. And do you really expect any male social outcast to just accept female traits on their body instead of feeling really gay and experiencing reverse dysphoria? (of course, FTMs are forgotten again)
Also unrelated, but it is not possible to train autistic traits out of yourself and get the normie social skills. Your best bet would be engaging people neurologically similar to you, which is why t4t is so prevalent.
How is it getting easier to be loved by others if you’re female attracted? You’re complicating your dating life if anything.
It’s notable that in practice, transitioning did get me more love and affection, but only from other trans people (who I now effectively date exclusively). This is why the r/traa stage in this pipeline was critical: It provided a community of people who were willing to collectively look past all the costs of transitioning, and group up to provide trans people with what they actually wanted: love and affection and support, just coming from each other rather than the outside world.
And do you really expect any male social outcast to just accept female traits on their body instead of feeling really gay and experiencing reverse dysphoria?
This straightforwardly happened to me: I’m physically uncomfortable with my breasts the same way I am with my penis, and womanhood slightly impairs my ability to express my masculine personality traits. But I stayed transitioned anyway. Partly this is because the trans community means a lot to me, especially the LGBTESCREALs and even more especially my girlfriend. Partly, this is because surgery for breast removal is just really expensive. (I think before transition, I was lying to myself, trying to convince myself I had dysphoria about lacking breasts, because the alternative seemed like it was not being accepted into transgender-hood at all?)
there may also be an aspect that’s more like “if i was cute/hot/beautiful, i would finally love myself.” like, not routing through the affection others lavish onto you.
How is it getting easier to be loved by others if you’re female attracted?
This might be TMI, but is it weird that, in fantasies and when reading/watching erotic material, I can identify with the female characters and performers as easily as the male ones? M/M scenes in written or video porn don’t do much for me, but imagining being a woman that’s having sex with a man seems to satisfy the “I’m turned on by female sexuality” switch in my brain just as effectively as imagining being my male self having sex with a woman. So if I fell into the same magic spring that Ranma did, I wouldn’t be too surprised if I found myself becoming attracted to men during only those times that I had a female body.
If we’re adding TMI impressions, when I imagine myself as a woman having sex...
>! When I imagine myself as a woman, being penetrated, I feel a sense of creeping distaste, which is not exactly disgust and not exactly horror, but close to those. It seems violating.
>! (Specifically the feeling of friction on my imagined vagina freaks me out a little.)
How is it getting easier to be loved by others if you’re female attracted?
A very male-cultured kinda autistic person might see the love that a cis woman would have for a man as invalid. I wouldn’t love me, I am wretched, so she shouldn’t love me, because to love me would be to love and sustain what is wretched. I cannot stomach her love.
There could be two things going on in that case:
Misandry. Some kids can’t imagine men deserving of love. Every man they’ve known has seemed vicious or in some way deeply (truly) ugly. (I imagine many straight cis women would be both sympathetic to and transcended of this view that they’d basically be able to write a cure for it if society were asking for one. Society wasn’t asking for works that redeem men 2 years ago, but I think it is very much asking for such works today.)
And I wonder if there might be a real conflict in values between the sexes. I think this probably isn’t true in general, cultural background seems to determine aesthetics and there is no discernible sex-linked limit to access to aesthetic sense. But due to personalised media, there is some (arguably tragic) divergence of aesthetic background anyway, so it may still be the case that for everyone to be happy we would have to accept some fairly painful disagreement about aesthetics within the average relationship. There is a cure for this pain, but it is love, and sometimes a robust enough love takes work to build, and a person can’t imagine it before it’s been built.
I don’t know if anyone transitions for this reason, but people are sometimes more willing to foregive certain “flaws” in one gender than another. For example, it seems to me that a lack of career ambition is more socially acceptable in a woman than in a man—a man who wants to be a househusband rather than a breadwinner has to confront negative stereotypes that a woman that wants to be a housewife does not. And men are often able to be more direct and aggressive without suffering social repercussions.
As for myself, I think that, holding as much else constant as possible, I might have been a little bit happier having been born female, but I think not being short might have helped even more—in addition to having been a short kid, my adult height ended up being about six inches below the median, which is also the kind of thing that’s worse if you’re male...
It’s a very common life path for many autistic transfems, incluidng myself, but you’re still hella wrong about the motivation behind it. How is it getting easier to be loved by others if you’re female attracted? You’re complicating your dating life if anything. And do you really expect any male social outcast to just accept female traits on their body instead of feeling really gay and experiencing reverse dysphoria? (of course, FTMs are forgotten again)
Also unrelated, but it is not possible to train autistic traits out of yourself and get the normie social skills. Your best bet would be engaging people neurologically similar to you, which is why t4t is so prevalent.
It’s notable that in practice, transitioning did get me more love and affection, but only from other trans people (who I now effectively date exclusively). This is why the r/traa stage in this pipeline was critical: It provided a community of people who were willing to collectively look past all the costs of transitioning, and group up to provide trans people with what they actually wanted: love and affection and support, just coming from each other rather than the outside world.
This straightforwardly happened to me: I’m physically uncomfortable with my breasts the same way I am with my penis, and womanhood slightly impairs my ability to express my masculine personality traits. But I stayed transitioned anyway. Partly this is because the trans community means a lot to me, especially the LGBTESCREALs and even more especially my girlfriend. Partly, this is because surgery for breast removal is just really expensive. (I think before transition, I was lying to myself, trying to convince myself I had dysphoria about lacking breasts, because the alternative seemed like it was not being accepted into transgender-hood at all?)
there may also be an aspect that’s more like “if i was cute/hot/beautiful, i would finally love myself.” like, not routing through the affection others lavish onto you.
This might be TMI, but is it weird that, in fantasies and when reading/watching erotic material, I can identify with the female characters and performers as easily as the male ones? M/M scenes in written or video porn don’t do much for me, but imagining being a woman that’s having sex with a man seems to satisfy the “I’m turned on by female sexuality” switch in my brain just as effectively as imagining being my male self having sex with a woman. So if I fell into the same magic spring that Ranma did, I wouldn’t be too surprised if I found myself becoming attracted to men during only those times that I had a female body.
If we’re adding TMI impressions, when I imagine myself as a woman having sex...
>! When I imagine myself as a woman, being penetrated, I feel a sense of creeping distaste, which is not exactly disgust and not exactly horror, but close to those. It seems violating.
>! (Specifically the feeling of friction on my imagined vagina freaks me out a little.)
A very male-cultured kinda autistic person might see the love that a cis woman would have for a man as invalid. I wouldn’t love me, I am wretched, so she shouldn’t love me, because to love me would be to love and sustain what is wretched. I cannot stomach her love.
There could be two things going on in that case:
Misandry. Some kids can’t imagine men deserving of love. Every man they’ve known has seemed vicious or in some way deeply (truly) ugly. (I imagine many straight cis women would be both sympathetic to and transcended of this view that they’d basically be able to write a cure for it if society were asking for one. Society wasn’t asking for works that redeem men 2 years ago, but I think it is very much asking for such works today.)
And I wonder if there might be a real conflict in values between the sexes. I think this probably isn’t true in general, cultural background seems to determine aesthetics and there is no discernible sex-linked limit to access to aesthetic sense. But due to personalised media, there is some (arguably tragic) divergence of aesthetic background anyway, so it may still be the case that for everyone to be happy we would have to accept some fairly painful disagreement about aesthetics within the average relationship. There is a cure for this pain, but it is love, and sometimes a robust enough love takes work to build, and a person can’t imagine it before it’s been built.
I don’t know if anyone transitions for this reason, but people are sometimes more willing to foregive certain “flaws” in one gender than another. For example, it seems to me that a lack of career ambition is more socially acceptable in a woman than in a man—a man who wants to be a househusband rather than a breadwinner has to confront negative stereotypes that a woman that wants to be a housewife does not. And men are often able to be more direct and aggressive without suffering social repercussions.
As for myself, I think that, holding as much else constant as possible, I might have been a little bit happier having been born female, but I think not being short might have helped even more—in addition to having been a short kid, my adult height ended up being about six inches below the median, which is also the kind of thing that’s worse if you’re male...