And despite all our best efforts at arguing, practicing, pleading, this went on and off until late teenagehood. And then suddenly stopped for good without any clear reason why. I was so relieved anyway.
I believe this is completely normal! At least, the same seemed to happen in my family (where I’m the oldest of seven, all homeschooled).
Also, due to my position I have some experience in managing this without myself being able to resort to coercion (due to also being a child). The main thing that helps is simply distraction. Secondarily, mediating what often end up being communication errors and pointing out possible trades. And thirdly, imposing social costs or providing a shield to the victim (often literally lol).
The potential long-term cost of this is that it doesn’t teach conflict resolution. I have a strong learned response to seek distraction any time I am uncomfortable, but I don’t want to pass that on to my children.
This is the kind of thing that works but to me feels quite not good to do—I find it pretty disrespectful of the kids. But yes, much better in many senses than other approaches.
Uh. I’m not sure what respect means here. Clearly, you wouldn’t do that with a teenager, where it wouldn’t work anyway. I’m not sure respect is a concept that makes much sense with toddlers. Maybe you can elaborate.
I feel I’m “abusing their stupidity” when I do it. It is on their benefit and so on, but I find it in the direction of not saying the truth. I know, not the most important or relevant thing to worry or spend time thinking about… :-P
I believe this is completely normal! At least, the same seemed to happen in my family (where I’m the oldest of seven, all homeschooled).
Also, due to my position I have some experience in managing this without myself being able to resort to coercion (due to also being a child). The main thing that helps is simply distraction. Secondarily, mediating what often end up being communication errors and pointing out possible trades. And thirdly, imposing social costs or providing a shield to the victim (often literally lol).
The potential long-term cost of this is that it doesn’t teach conflict resolution. I have a strong learned response to seek distraction any time I am uncomfortable, but I don’t want to pass that on to my children.
True, but a cost issue. My mother (of six) also used distraction a lot. It is a cheap, quick, and low-coercive intervention.
This is the kind of thing that works but to me feels quite not good to do—I find it pretty disrespectful of the kids. But yes, much better in many senses than other approaches.
Uh. I’m not sure what respect means here. Clearly, you wouldn’t do that with a teenager, where it wouldn’t work anyway. I’m not sure respect is a concept that makes much sense with toddlers. Maybe you can elaborate.
I feel I’m “abusing their stupidity” when I do it. It is on their benefit and so on, but I find it in the direction of not saying the truth. I know, not the most important or relevant thing to worry or spend time thinking about… :-P