How to make it easier to receive constructive criticism?
Typically finding out about the flaws in something that we did feels bad because we realize that our work was worse than we thought, so receiving the criticism feels like ending up in a worse state than we were in before. One way to avoid this feeling would be to reflect on the fact that the work was already flawed before we found out about it, so the criticism was a net improvement, allowing us to fix the flaws and create a better work.
But thinking about this once we’ve already received the criticism rarely helps that much, at least in my experience. It’s better be to consciously remind yourself that your work is always going to have room for improvement, and that it is certain to have plenty of flaws you’re ignorant of, before receiving the criticism. That way, your starting mental state will be “damn, this has all of these flaws that I’m ignorant about”, and ending up in the post-criticism state where some of the flaws have been pointed out, will feel like a net improvement.
Another approach would be to take the criticism as evidence of the fact that you’re working in a field where success is actually worth being proud about. Consider: if anyone could produce a perfect work in your field, would it be noteworthy that you had achieved the same thing that anyone else could also achieve? Not really. And if you could easily produce a work that was perfect and had no particular flaws worth criticizing, that would also be evidence of your field not being particularly deep, and of your success not being very impressive. So if you get lots of constructive criticism, that’s evidence that your field is at least somewhat deep, and that success in it is non-trivial. Which means that you should be happy, since you have plenty of room to grow and develop your talents—and you’ve just been given some of the tools you need in order to do so.
I think most difficulty with receiving criticism is knowing with certainty the intention behind it is constructive. If I’m sure I actually made a serious and relevant mistake, it’s much easier to receive criticism.
Would it be fair to rephrase your question as “How can we make receiving constructive criticism feel good?”
If so, then I endorse the first technique you mentioned. (My mantra for this is “bad news is good news,” which reminds me that now I can do something about the problem.) I intend to try the second technique.
I have a third tactic, which is to use my brain’s virtue ethics module. I’ve convinced myself that good people appreciate receiving constructive criticism, so when it happens, I have an opportunity to demonstrate what a good and serious person I am. (This probably wouldn’t work if I didn’t surround myself with people who also think this is virtuous and who do, in fact, award me social points for being open to critique.)
I have a strong intuition that making it feel good, or even just less bad, might take away some of its usefulness and make it less memorable. Actually, if it felt good instead of just less bad, wouldn’t that incentivize you to make more mistakes?
There are individual differences in sensitivity to criticism, so your advice should be mainly aimed at people who are oversensitive in this regard.
If I feel bad about a piece of criticism, I automatically become defensive and incapable of learning from it (until I can distance myself from the bad feeling and thus become less defensive).
I doubt making mistakes on purpose would realistically be a problem, at least for me. Even if it did feel good, having done a great work and knowing that I’d done my best would still be even better.
If I feel bad about a piece of criticism, I automatically become defensive and incapable of learning from it (until I can distance myself from the bad feeling and thus become less defensive).
I have this problem too, but the timespan is pretty short. I think receiving criticism in person has even a bigger problem, that is the critic senses I get hurt and tones it down too much. When directly asking for criticism I’m tempted to declare “I will look butthurt at first but keep going and later I’ll be thankful for learning so much more.” The best teachers I’ve had gave criticism regardless of my feelings.
I doubt making mistakes on purpose would realistically be a problem
There’s an important difference between making intentional mistakes, and becoming careless. By incentivization of mistakes I meant the latter.
There’s an important difference between making intentional mistakes, and becoming careless. By incentivization of mistakes I meant the latter.
Ah, that does sound more plausible. If I’m in an environment where I can trust others to catch my mistakes, and I don’t feel bad about those mistakes being pointed out, then I could definitely see myself getting more sloppy and relying on others to catch the mistakes instead of looking for them myself. In fact, I’m pretty sure that I have done that on a few occasions...
On the other hand, this might also make for a useful cure for perfectionism. It’s not obvious that trying to catch every mistake yourself would be the optimal division of labor, assuming that you really are in an environment where you can trust on others to correct some of the mistakes. Of course, it could be a problem if you develop lazy habits and carry them over to an environment without that external assistance.
It’s not obvious that trying to catch every mistake yourself would be the optimal division of labor, assuming that you really are in an environment where you can trust on others to correct some of the mistakes.
I agree that we could probably rely more on others to catch our mistakes in certain contexts where equal expertise can be assumed. The problem is, if you’re writing an article or a book for example, you’re usually the expert compared to your readership, so you can’t really expect others to reliably correct your mistakes, and some of your mistakes get cluelessly adopted.
When directly asking for criticism I’m tempted to declare “I will look butthurt at first but keep going and later I’ll be thankful for learning so much more.”
My usual version of this is “I don’t like receiving criticism, and I don’t promise to take it well, though I promise to make my best efforts to do so and I usually succeed. That said, still less do I like having earned criticism withheld from me, so my preference is to receive criticism where I’ve earned it. If you remind me of this, I will do my best to be grateful.”
Actually, if it felt good instead of just less bad, wouldn’t that incentivize you to make more mistakes?
Well, one way to subvert this would be to also arrange to get praise for my successes, and make the praise-for-success noticably more rewarding than the criticism-for-failure. But if for some reason that’s not possible, then sure.
your advice should be mainly aimed at people who are oversensitive in this regard.
Are you deliberately implying a normative statement about how sensitive a person ought to be to criticism here, or is it accidental?
Well, one way to subvert this would be to also arrange to get praise for my successes, and make the praise-for-success noticably more rewarding than the criticism-for-failure.
True. Note that failing is massively easier than succeeding. You don’t really have to plan for it. Perhaps the problem doesn’t arise if you feel worse for making the mistake than you feel good about receiving criticism for it. However, I strongly suspect we mostly feel bad about our mistakes precisely because of the social context. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t want to feel good about my mistakes.
Are you deliberately implying a normative statement about how sensitive a person ought to be to criticism here, or is it accidental?
The normativity of such a statement depends on the values of the person in question. If those values are a known factor, I do believe there is an optimal range of sensitivity one should try to gauge.
The normativity of such a statement depends on the values of the person in question. If those values are a known factor, I do believe there is an optimal range of sensitivity one should try to gauge.
Ah. So “people who are oversensitive,” here, means people who are more sensitive to criticism than is optimal according to their own values? Fair enough… thanks for clarifying that.
Exactly. Admittedly there are a lot of people I would like to have different sensitivities to criticism than they have or even want to have, like psychopaths for example. Even that of course doesn’t imply any universal normativity.
I don’t think that the fact that you receive criticism means anything. A smart person can find criticism for anything.
The goal isn’t to create work that isn’t criticised but works that achieves a purpose. Maybe work that sells. Maybe work that influences people. Not work that isn’t criticised.
If you get criticism, ask yourself whether that criticism is relevant to the goals that you want to achieve.
How to make it easier to receive constructive criticism?
Typically finding out about the flaws in something that we did feels bad because we realize that our work was worse than we thought, so receiving the criticism feels like ending up in a worse state than we were in before. One way to avoid this feeling would be to reflect on the fact that the work was already flawed before we found out about it, so the criticism was a net improvement, allowing us to fix the flaws and create a better work.
But thinking about this once we’ve already received the criticism rarely helps that much, at least in my experience. It’s better be to consciously remind yourself that your work is always going to have room for improvement, and that it is certain to have plenty of flaws you’re ignorant of, before receiving the criticism. That way, your starting mental state will be “damn, this has all of these flaws that I’m ignorant about”, and ending up in the post-criticism state where some of the flaws have been pointed out, will feel like a net improvement.
Another approach would be to take the criticism as evidence of the fact that you’re working in a field where success is actually worth being proud about. Consider: if anyone could produce a perfect work in your field, would it be noteworthy that you had achieved the same thing that anyone else could also achieve? Not really. And if you could easily produce a work that was perfect and had no particular flaws worth criticizing, that would also be evidence of your field not being particularly deep, and of your success not being very impressive. So if you get lots of constructive criticism, that’s evidence that your field is at least somewhat deep, and that success in it is non-trivial. Which means that you should be happy, since you have plenty of room to grow and develop your talents—and you’ve just been given some of the tools you need in order to do so.
I think most difficulty with receiving criticism is knowing with certainty the intention behind it is constructive. If I’m sure I actually made a serious and relevant mistake, it’s much easier to receive criticism.
Would it be fair to rephrase your question as “How can we make receiving constructive criticism feel good?”
If so, then I endorse the first technique you mentioned. (My mantra for this is “bad news is good news,” which reminds me that now I can do something about the problem.) I intend to try the second technique.
I have a third tactic, which is to use my brain’s virtue ethics module. I’ve convinced myself that good people appreciate receiving constructive criticism, so when it happens, I have an opportunity to demonstrate what a good and serious person I am. (This probably wouldn’t work if I didn’t surround myself with people who also think this is virtuous and who do, in fact, award me social points for being open to critique.)
Admonymous has some good advice on giving and receiving criticism. Also, use Admonymous. Mine is here.
Yes.
I have a strong intuition that making it feel good, or even just less bad, might take away some of its usefulness and make it less memorable. Actually, if it felt good instead of just less bad, wouldn’t that incentivize you to make more mistakes?
There are individual differences in sensitivity to criticism, so your advice should be mainly aimed at people who are oversensitive in this regard.
If I feel bad about a piece of criticism, I automatically become defensive and incapable of learning from it (until I can distance myself from the bad feeling and thus become less defensive).
I doubt making mistakes on purpose would realistically be a problem, at least for me. Even if it did feel good, having done a great work and knowing that I’d done my best would still be even better.
I have this problem too, but the timespan is pretty short. I think receiving criticism in person has even a bigger problem, that is the critic senses I get hurt and tones it down too much. When directly asking for criticism I’m tempted to declare “I will look butthurt at first but keep going and later I’ll be thankful for learning so much more.” The best teachers I’ve had gave criticism regardless of my feelings.
There’s an important difference between making intentional mistakes, and becoming careless. By incentivization of mistakes I meant the latter.
Ah, that does sound more plausible. If I’m in an environment where I can trust others to catch my mistakes, and I don’t feel bad about those mistakes being pointed out, then I could definitely see myself getting more sloppy and relying on others to catch the mistakes instead of looking for them myself. In fact, I’m pretty sure that I have done that on a few occasions...
On the other hand, this might also make for a useful cure for perfectionism. It’s not obvious that trying to catch every mistake yourself would be the optimal division of labor, assuming that you really are in an environment where you can trust on others to correct some of the mistakes. Of course, it could be a problem if you develop lazy habits and carry them over to an environment without that external assistance.
I agree that we could probably rely more on others to catch our mistakes in certain contexts where equal expertise can be assumed. The problem is, if you’re writing an article or a book for example, you’re usually the expert compared to your readership, so you can’t really expect others to reliably correct your mistakes, and some of your mistakes get cluelessly adopted.
My usual version of this is “I don’t like receiving criticism, and I don’t promise to take it well, though I promise to make my best efforts to do so and I usually succeed. That said, still less do I like having earned criticism withheld from me, so my preference is to receive criticism where I’ve earned it. If you remind me of this, I will do my best to be grateful.”
Well, one way to subvert this would be to also arrange to get praise for my successes, and make the praise-for-success noticably more rewarding than the criticism-for-failure. But if for some reason that’s not possible, then sure.
Are you deliberately implying a normative statement about how sensitive a person ought to be to criticism here, or is it accidental?
True. Note that failing is massively easier than succeeding. You don’t really have to plan for it. Perhaps the problem doesn’t arise if you feel worse for making the mistake than you feel good about receiving criticism for it. However, I strongly suspect we mostly feel bad about our mistakes precisely because of the social context. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t want to feel good about my mistakes.
The normativity of such a statement depends on the values of the person in question. If those values are a known factor, I do believe there is an optimal range of sensitivity one should try to gauge.
Ah. So “people who are oversensitive,” here, means people who are more sensitive to criticism than is optimal according to their own values? Fair enough… thanks for clarifying that.
Exactly. Admittedly there are a lot of people I would like to have different sensitivities to criticism than they have or even want to have, like psychopaths for example. Even that of course doesn’t imply any universal normativity.
I don’t think that the fact that you receive criticism means anything. A smart person can find criticism for anything.
The goal isn’t to create work that isn’t criticised but works that achieves a purpose. Maybe work that sells. Maybe work that influences people. Not work that isn’t criticised.
If you get criticism, ask yourself whether that criticism is relevant to the goals that you want to achieve.