My biggest problems, when I was single, were a lack of a social life and a lack of self-esteem; I felt I should “work on myself” and get myself out of my bad situation (not employed, no offline social life, living with parents) before trying to find a romantic partner. As it turned out, I may have had this entirely backwards: after my romantic partner (and current wife) found me, my life got a lot better!
This could even be inverted. I’ve seen many people claim they were more romantically successful when they were poor, jobless, ill, psychologically unstable, on drugs and so on. Have experienced something like that myself as well. My best explanation is that such things make you come across as more real and exciting in some way. Because most people at most times are boring as hell.
That suggests the possibility to get into some kind of hardship on purpose, to gain more “reality”. But I’m not sure you can push yourself on purpose into as much genuine panic and desperation as it takes. You’d stop yourself earlier.
My biggest problems, when I was single, were a lack of a social life and a lack of self-esteem; I felt I should “work on myself” and get myself out of my bad situation (not employed, no offline social life, living with parents) before trying to find a romantic partner. As it turned out, I may have had this entirely backwards: after my romantic partner (and current wife) found me, my life got a lot better!
This could even be inverted. I’ve seen many people claim they were more romantically successful when they were poor, jobless, ill, psychologically unstable, on drugs and so on. Have experienced something like that myself as well. My best explanation is that such things make you come across as more real and exciting in some way. Because most people at most times are boring as hell.
That suggests the possibility to get into some kind of hardship on purpose, to gain more “reality”. But I’m not sure you can push yourself on purpose into as much genuine panic and desperation as it takes. You’d stop yourself earlier.