As an audience member, I often passively judge people for responding to criticism intensely or angrily, or judge both parties in a long and bitter back and forth, and basically never judge anyone for not responding.
When I’ve responded to criticism with “oh, thanks, hadn’t thought of that”, I haven’t really felt disapproved of or diminished. Sometimes the critic is just right, and sometimes they just are looking at the topic from another angle and it’s fine for readers to decide whether they like it better than mine. No big deal. I don’t really see evidence that anyone’s tracking my status that hard. I’d rather make sure nobody’s tracking me being unkind though, including myself.
(This comment is offered up as a data point from the peanut gallery. I have no idea if it’s representative! If you reply, it may make me happy, but if not I won’t mind.)
“As an audience member, I often passively judge people for responding to criticism intensely or angrily, or judge both parties in a long and bitter back and forth, and basically never judge anyone for not responding.”
me too. this is exactly what happened.
for example, in the multiple arguments with Said a lot of people had, I don’t remember that I ever judged someone for not responding, but I judged people for responding sometimes.
moreover, sometimes I judge people for responding at all, when I think that ignoring is the right move.
I think it’s quite representative of a swath of people. I think there are, in absolute terms, many many people following this sort of algorithm. I furthermore think things would be better if more people followed it.
But my own experiences lead me to believe it’s a minority, and likely not even a plurality, of people, and that it’s not easy to get more people to adopt something-like-this.
As an audience member, I often passively judge people for responding to criticism intensely or angrily, or judge both parties in a long and bitter back and forth, and basically never judge anyone for not responding.
I rarely notice myself judging someone for not responding.
I do judge people for making mistakes, or for omitting important considerations. And when a person doesn’t reply to criticism, I’m more likely to believe they’ve made a mistake or an important omission.
Your comment is by far the closest to my perspective; and I’d argue, the only healthy approach to online discourse.
I’ve honestly had a hard time taking this article seriously, because obviously Duncan is being very sincere, but the minset he describes is alien to me, and on some level, it feels like he’s arguing that people are broken for not having that mindset (though maybe I’m conflating this article with the facebook post it links).
Duncan sounds like he’s waging a permanent war and being mad at people for not treating it like a war, and while I understand the sincerity behind it, it doesn’t feel necessary and it scares me. So I appreciate your rebuttal.
As an audience member, I often passively judge people for responding to criticism intensely or angrily, or judge both parties in a long and bitter back and forth, and basically never judge anyone for not responding.
When I’ve responded to criticism with “oh, thanks, hadn’t thought of that”, I haven’t really felt disapproved of or diminished. Sometimes the critic is just right, and sometimes they just are looking at the topic from another angle and it’s fine for readers to decide whether they like it better than mine. No big deal. I don’t really see evidence that anyone’s tracking my status that hard. I’d rather make sure nobody’s tracking me being unkind though, including myself.
(This comment is offered up as a data point from the peanut gallery. I have no idea if it’s representative! If you reply, it may make me happy, but if not I won’t mind.)
“As an audience member, I often passively judge people for responding to criticism intensely or angrily, or judge both parties in a long and bitter back and forth, and basically never judge anyone for not responding.”
me too. this is exactly what happened.
for example, in the multiple arguments with Said a lot of people had, I don’t remember that I ever judged someone for not responding, but I judged people for responding sometimes.
moreover, sometimes I judge people for responding at all, when I think that ignoring is the right move.
I think it’s quite representative of a swath of people. I think there are, in absolute terms, many many people following this sort of algorithm. I furthermore think things would be better if more people followed it.
But my own experiences lead me to believe it’s a minority, and likely not even a plurality, of people, and that it’s not easy to get more people to adopt something-like-this.
I rarely notice myself judging someone for not responding.
I do judge people for making mistakes, or for omitting important considerations. And when a person doesn’t reply to criticism, I’m more likely to believe they’ve made a mistake or an important omission.
Your comment is by far the closest to my perspective; and I’d argue, the only healthy approach to online discourse.
I’ve honestly had a hard time taking this article seriously, because obviously Duncan is being very sincere, but the minset he describes is alien to me, and on some level, it feels like he’s arguing that people are broken for not having that mindset (though maybe I’m conflating this article with the facebook post it links).
Duncan sounds like he’s waging a permanent war and being mad at people for not treating it like a war, and while I understand the sincerity behind it, it doesn’t feel necessary and it scares me. So I appreciate your rebuttal.