I agree that “in my culture” works if and only if there is *also* a common-knowledge understanding that we’re in the metaphorical diplomatic setting and that it’s not a bid for changing that diplomatic setting’s context culture. I also agree that a lack of intent to apply pressure doesn’t always equate to a lack of perception of pressure.
I have a friend who advocates “in my religion” as the superior phrase for that reason—we already have clear common-knowledge boundaries around how religion is personal and sort of self-aware/known to be something other people won’t pick up. I feel a little squidgy around that one myself, though, because it seems *too* self-deprecating in populations with a high percentage of atheism.
Interesting. Most of the discussions where I want to use this mechanism are atheist, but tolerant and curious enough that I’d expect to immediately sidetrack into “what religion is that, and how does this interpretation relate to those teachings”?
I think “in my mind”, or “my initial reaction” will remain my go-to phrasings for this kind of identification of miscommunication.
I do think that “in my mind” and “my initial reaction” gets a lot of the value. I’m curious if you ever run into people who are uncertain whether you mean “Dagon is expressing a personal thought?” or “Dagon is making a bid to change our broader conversational API”?
For me, that was the biggest thing that I got, once my colleague started doing this—the distinction between their culture and their bids to change the norms.
Uncertain whether you mean “Dagon is expressing a personal thought?” or “Dagon is making a bid to change our broader conversational API”?
Also interesting—I’m happy to be having this exploration! I think I use this phrase in both cases, and also when I’m unsure whether either is true! It’s mostly a bid to open the meta-level discussion about how the communication is happening, separate from whatever it is that we’re (failing to) communicate.
I agree that “in my culture” works if and only if there is *also* a common-knowledge understanding that we’re in the metaphorical diplomatic setting and that it’s not a bid for changing that diplomatic setting’s context culture. I also agree that a lack of intent to apply pressure doesn’t always equate to a lack of perception of pressure.
I have a friend who advocates “in my religion” as the superior phrase for that reason—we already have clear common-knowledge boundaries around how religion is personal and sort of self-aware/known to be something other people won’t pick up. I feel a little squidgy around that one myself, though, because it seems *too* self-deprecating in populations with a high percentage of atheism.
Interesting. Most of the discussions where I want to use this mechanism are atheist, but tolerant and curious enough that I’d expect to immediately sidetrack into “what religion is that, and how does this interpretation relate to those teachings”?
I think “in my mind”, or “my initial reaction” will remain my go-to phrasings for this kind of identification of miscommunication.
I do think that “in my mind” and “my initial reaction” gets a lot of the value. I’m curious if you ever run into people who are uncertain whether you mean “Dagon is expressing a personal thought?” or “Dagon is making a bid to change our broader conversational API”?
For me, that was the biggest thing that I got, once my colleague started doing this—the distinction between their culture and their bids to change the norms.
Also interesting—I’m happy to be having this exploration! I think I use this phrase in both cases, and also when I’m unsure whether either is true! It’s mostly a bid to open the meta-level discussion about how the communication is happening, separate from whatever it is that we’re (failing to) communicate.