Researcher-Operator currently on garden leave. Formerly: Two Sigma (Quant Research + Mgmt) / OnDeck (Data science in lending) / BlackRock (Bond desk quant). I hope my thinking can be helpful to you!
My Substack: https://jordanmrubin.substack.com
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Empathy is a multi-dimensional operation and there are many ways to do it. Here are some examples of dimensions along which you can vary empathy:
How much do you try to literally “feel their feelings” vs feel your own feelings vs feel no feelings?
How charitably (or hostilely) do you try to read their situation?
How focused are you on actions they could take?
To what extent do you try to understand the story of what took them here vs focus on the present moment?
How focused are you on what is good for them vs on what is good for both?
You don’t have to do empathy the same way in every situation. But have you ever tried to max out on “feel their feelings” or “charitable read”?
Here is o3’s charitable read of nail-woman:
felt-sense override – pain is embodied confusion. before she can orient to “extract object,” she needs another nervous system to mirror how disorienting the signal is. otherwise her interoceptive map keeps screaming “unsafe,” so any fix attempt feels like an attack on the only reliable data she has left.
status & competence threat – accepting a drive-by solution telegraphs “i couldn’t notice a metal spike in my own skull.” that’s ego-annihilating. she’s fighting for narrative sovereignty, not against physics.
pattern-matching past dismissals – likely history of “just calm down” responses. the nail scene retriggers that cached pattern; she’s guarding against another instance of emotional rug-pull.
speech-act mismatch – she’s broadcasting affective data; partner keeps replying with instrumental commands. protocol violation feels like deafness. she insists “it’s not about the nail” bc rn the channel is meta-communication, not mechanics.