I believe it was Aella who first published links to the Medium posts on Twitter Facebook or other platforms, so that their existence became known.
Hrothgar
Karma: 39
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If the party in question happened in 2017 or later, I was probably also there. (Aella and I lived together for much but not all of 2017–2021, and I attended maybe 90% of the parties she threw in that time. We also used to date, but we broke up and don’t live together anymore.) It’s hard to pin down because I can’t think of a party that fits the description exactly. This is also the first that I’m aware of someone having a negative experience at the parties I’m thinking of, although I can understand how someone who had such an experience wouldn’t feel comfortable talking to the hosts about it. It’s hard to say more without knowing more, except maybe worth mentioning that some of the candidate parties I’m thinking of were not primarily organized by Aella (although she may have been there & helped out). I’m also interested in feedback about parties I’ve been a part of and genuinely do not want people to have experiences like the one described.
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and 3. I’ve spent most of the last four years with/near Aella and have never heard of “drug roulette” happening. I also can’t imagine her telling people not to talk about it with anyone. Both those things seem deeply incongruous with my understanding of how Aella would behave toward people. Also for whatever it’s worth I’ve never even heard the word rohypnol before, and to my knowledge neither I nor Aella nor anyone I’ve lived with has had or allowed “roofies” in our home or to our parties.
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Regarding the torture stuff — Aella “consensually tortured” me in 2018, and it was a positive experience for me. I felt cared for, and in fact Aella ended the session of her own accord because she wanted to make sure I was ok. I also know of two other people whom Aella “consensually tortured” who had a positive experiences, and I don’t know of anyone who had a negative experience. Also I think Aella has only done the “torture” thing a handful of times (5–6ish?) total. (I’ll also add a tiny correction and say that Aella has done it twice on a person—that person being me—but the second time was brief and if she either forgot about that or isn’t counting it, that seems fine.)
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Can vouch for everything Aella says about the Joscha Bach stuff.
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Can confirm that Aella is not mittenscautious.
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I’m not very active on LW and don’t really know how people here use the term “frame”, but this is not at all how I’d define it, personally. To me, an important part about a frame (as I understand and use the term) is that much of a frame is implicit and needs to be inferred. It’s a set of assumptions baked into communication, either/both about the content of the conversation as well as about the terms of the conversation itself. These assumptions may include statements about what roles each person is to take, what certain words mean, what the purpose of the conversation is, what is to be taken for granted, what should be paid attention to, what should be ignored, and so on. Some of these assumptions may of course be made explicit in the conversation.
A lot of the time, people pick up on each others frames and do some sort of implict/explicit navigating to figure out what to do: negotiate, compromise, agree to disagree, ignore differences, fight about it, etc. Sometimes one person consciously or unconsciously submits completely to the other person’s frame. Sometimes no negotiation seems to happen at all and people end up talking past each other.
Off the cuff, I’d define “frame control” as deceptive manipulation of another person’s frame (or, some agreed-upon “shared frame”) to some selfish end. Often this will include subtly introducing assumptions, deflecting attention, verbally saying one thing while nonverbally saying another, etc.