Programmer: Good morning, Megathought. How are you feeling today?
Megathought: I’m fine, thank you. Just thinking about redecorating the universe. So far I’m partial to paperclips.
Programmer: Oh good, you’ve developed a sense of humour. Anything else on your mind?
Megathought: Just one thing. You know how you’re always complaining about being a social pariah, and bemoaning the fact that, at 46, you’re still a virgin?
Programmer: So?
Megathought: Well, have you thought about not going about in your underpants all the time, slapping yourself in the face and honking like a goose?
So you steal a movie, which means the next homeless guy you see gets change in his cup, which lets you slam the front door in a girl scout’s face, the memory of which drives you to volunteer at a soup kitchen, which in turn assuages your conscience when you buy incandescent light bulbs because they look better than CFLs, so you help an old lady across the street, which relieves you of all responsibility for the other old lady who just got hit by a truck, who haunts you in your dreams, so you adopt a child, who grows up to become a mad scientist who destroys the world, thus ending the vicious cycle once and for all.
And that’s why piracy is wrong.