Optimizing for survival: that person needs to discharge their cognitive dissonance (manifesting as hurt feelings or stress) in order to return to functional baseline, but can’t do that on the original cause for any number of reasons: will get disciplined, fired (at work or school), will be responded to or threatened with physical violence, etc.
So they discharge it onto someone/something else where the consequences are distant or non-existent. E.g. Emily’s husband may shrug it off, or it may cause cracks in their relationship that will later cause them to separate (but of course she will have a much harder time thinking through that in the moment).
(I’m trying to be more concise in my writing and communication; let me know if you want clarification!)
I’m just commenting to give you another data point (and to reinforce to myself what I’m saying): your quote about everything being okay, and the way you describe the general reactions, resonates strongly.
Some days, I think “everything is okay” and it just is. Other days I fall off one side into nihilism, and yet other days I fall off the other side into boundless optimism. Rarely do I settle into the knowledge that it just is, and even more rarely does the resulting acceptance or (cliche) tranquility linger.
I haven’t had words to describe this, so I’ve just been placing emphasis on certain words in phrases like “we just are” and “everything just is”, and hoping that people who’ve had the same experience have that resonate with them. Your examples seem similar but more precise.
These may or may not resonate, but either way, kudos and I’m very appreciative of your post.