The classic setting is a party (a place where you meet potential romantic partners who you don’t already know (or who you otherwise know from professional settings where flirting is inappropriate), and where conversations are freely starting and ending, such that when you start talking to someone the conversation might either go for two minutes or four hours).
Examples of hints:
Mentioning things that indicate that you’re romantically available, e.g. saying that you’re single, that you’re poly, telling a story of recently going on a date; more extreme would be telling a story of doing something promiscuous.
Mentioning things that indicate that you want to relate to the other person in a romantic or sexual context rather than a non-sexual way. For example, a woman talking about how she likes wearing revealing clothes, or commenting on her body or my body. And then responding positively to that kind of statement, e.g. building on it rather than demurring, replying flatly, or changing the subject,
Offering and accepting invitations to spend more time interacting one-on-one, especially in semi-private places. E.g. asking to sit together. (For example, person A might say “I’m getting a drink, want me to get you one?”, which is sort of an invitation to have a drink together, and person B might say “sure, let’s sit over there to have it”, which escalates the invitation to involve them talking for longer.)
Giving and accepting opportunities for physical contact.
In all cases, saying those things is more flirty if it was unnecessary for them to say it. E.g. if they say they’re single because it came up in conversation in a way that they couldn’t have contrived, that’s less flirty than if they tell a story that brings it up.
I think that online content on all this stuff is often pretty accurate.
I know this is LessWrong, and that sexual norms are different in the Bay Area, but for the average person:
Please don’t tell prospective romantic interests that you “went on a date recently” or that you did something promiscuous. The majority of the time, it would be interpreted as a sign you’re taken. Of course, if you elaborate that the date didn’t work out, that’s a different story.
I think that saying you went on a date usually is evidence that you’re not in a monogamous relationship, and if it’s ambiguous it gives the other person an opportunity to say “oh, how did it go?” which gives you an opportunity to subtly clarify that it was a casual date (and so confirm that you’re in the market for casual dating).
I guess “I was alone and masturbated recently” also wouldn’t work well, so… what are the proper words to suggest that I am available? :D
The only thing that comes to my mind, is that if you arrived with a person of the opposite sex, to explicitly mention that they are not your boyfriend/girlfriend.
Hmm.. That’s actually a tough question. As far as I can remember, I’ve rarely had to tell people outright that I’m single.
My recommendation would be to flirt away, and if they don’t casually namedrop a boyfriend or allude to having one, that’s strong enough evidence that they’re not taken.
>The only thing that comes to my mind, is that if you arrived with a person of the opposite sex, to explicitly mention that they are not your boyfriend/girlfriend.
Most tactful way to say as much would be to explicitly call them a “friend”. That should get the message across.
The classic setting is a party (a place where you meet potential romantic partners who you don’t already know (or who you otherwise know from professional settings where flirting is inappropriate), and where conversations are freely starting and ending, such that when you start talking to someone the conversation might either go for two minutes or four hours).
Examples of hints:
Mentioning things that indicate that you’re romantically available, e.g. saying that you’re single, that you’re poly, telling a story of recently going on a date; more extreme would be telling a story of doing something promiscuous.
Mentioning things that indicate that you want to relate to the other person in a romantic or sexual context rather than a non-sexual way. For example, a woman talking about how she likes wearing revealing clothes, or commenting on her body or my body. And then responding positively to that kind of statement, e.g. building on it rather than demurring, replying flatly, or changing the subject,
Offering and accepting invitations to spend more time interacting one-on-one, especially in semi-private places. E.g. asking to sit together. (For example, person A might say “I’m getting a drink, want me to get you one?”, which is sort of an invitation to have a drink together, and person B might say “sure, let’s sit over there to have it”, which escalates the invitation to involve them talking for longer.)
Giving and accepting opportunities for physical contact.
In all cases, saying those things is more flirty if it was unnecessary for them to say it. E.g. if they say they’re single because it came up in conversation in a way that they couldn’t have contrived, that’s less flirty than if they tell a story that brings it up.
I think that online content on all this stuff is often pretty accurate.
I know this is LessWrong, and that sexual norms are different in the Bay Area, but for the average person:
Please don’t tell prospective romantic interests that you “went on a date recently” or that you did something promiscuous. The majority of the time, it would be interpreted as a sign you’re taken. Of course, if you elaborate that the date didn’t work out, that’s a different story.
I think that saying you went on a date usually is evidence that you’re not in a monogamous relationship, and if it’s ambiguous it gives the other person an opportunity to say “oh, how did it go?” which gives you an opportunity to subtly clarify that it was a casual date (and so confirm that you’re in the market for casual dating).
I guess “I was alone and masturbated recently” also wouldn’t work well, so… what are the proper words to suggest that I am available? :D
The only thing that comes to my mind, is that if you arrived with a person of the opposite sex, to explicitly mention that they are not your boyfriend/girlfriend.
Hmm.. That’s actually a tough question. As far as I can remember, I’ve rarely had to tell people outright that I’m single.
My recommendation would be to flirt away, and if they don’t casually namedrop a boyfriend or allude to having one, that’s strong enough evidence that they’re not taken.
>The only thing that comes to my mind, is that if you arrived with a person of the opposite sex, to explicitly mention that they are not your boyfriend/girlfriend.
Most tactful way to say as much would be to explicitly call them a “friend”. That should get the message across.