Something feels quite wrong about the second statement though. It’s common knowledge that men want sex. Is there any harm in expressing yourself about it?
The question isn’t so much whether the man wants sex but whether he wants more than just sex. Whether he also wants an emotional relationship in addition to sex.
First of all, it implies at least one side believes there might be compatibility (far fetched, because there’s plenty of pretty women or I just have low standards) which is the first step toward anything.
The basic act for asking a woman out states that you believe there’s compatiblity.
In other words, telling a woman that she’s pretty and I’d like to get to know her is both about honesty and self-expression AND the woman herself.
It doesn’t express anything about you that’s different from other guys that approach her. It doesn’t express anything about her that makes her special as you are saying the same thing to plenty of woman.
A woman on a dating website get’s a lot of messages and if you are just like the other stereotypical man who want sex with her because you find her pretty.
Yes, you might only express that she’s exchangable and you don’t care about her in particular and any number of other pretty girls would be just as good as her, but that’s not what she wants to hear.
A first message thus should present you in a light that doesn’t make you seem like all the other guys who message her.
And third (coming from the second) is that it raises the question of WHEN should you express yourself?
In person good self expression is often about being in touch with the moment and expressing what you feel exactly when you feel it strongly.
I agree with what Christian is saying, but that doesn’t make Manson wrong either.
The difference is in the context. There’s a lot of nuance to it, but one big piece that hasn’t been mentioned yet is that saying things in person allows you use nonverbal communication to signal things you cannot signal in text.
A message like “You’re cute. I’d like to get to know you” opens you up to rejection, and a willingness to face this unafraid is attractive because it’s a fairly credible way of showing that you must have reason think you’re worthy of her—stuff like that. Online, anyone can shoot off a “You’re cute. I’d like to get to know you” without having to be able to back it up. Even if you can’t say with a straight face that you’re good enough, you can hit ctrl-v and send on the hope that she bites anyway—which is why the line won’t have the same oomph behind it as it can in person.
The question isn’t so much whether the man wants sex but whether he wants more than just sex. Whether he also wants an emotional relationship in addition to sex.
The basic act for asking a woman out states that you believe there’s compatiblity.
It doesn’t express anything about you that’s different from other guys that approach her. It doesn’t express anything about her that makes her special as you are saying the same thing to plenty of woman.
A woman on a dating website get’s a lot of messages and if you are just like the other stereotypical man who want sex with her because you find her pretty.
Yes, you might only express that she’s exchangable and you don’t care about her in particular and any number of other pretty girls would be just as good as her, but that’s not what she wants to hear.
A first message thus should present you in a light that doesn’t make you seem like all the other guys who message her.
In person good self expression is often about being in touch with the moment and expressing what you feel exactly when you feel it strongly.
Alright. I give up. I’m now convinced my methodology was bad. I should read a book.
Upvoted for updating my beliefs.
I agree with what Christian is saying, but that doesn’t make Manson wrong either.
The difference is in the context. There’s a lot of nuance to it, but one big piece that hasn’t been mentioned yet is that saying things in person allows you use nonverbal communication to signal things you cannot signal in text.
A message like “You’re cute. I’d like to get to know you” opens you up to rejection, and a willingness to face this unafraid is attractive because it’s a fairly credible way of showing that you must have reason think you’re worthy of her—stuff like that. Online, anyone can shoot off a “You’re cute. I’d like to get to know you” without having to be able to back it up. Even if you can’t say with a straight face that you’re good enough, you can hit ctrl-v and send on the hope that she bites anyway—which is why the line won’t have the same oomph behind it as it can in person.