I had considered that, and consider depression to be extremely likely. Unfortunately, I am a minor without the means of attaining evaluation or treatment. My parents lack the finances and the will.
So your parents are aware of the problem? Is there any way to discuss your problem locally? Message boards aren’t really helpful for this kind of thing, IME.
For very mild depressions, talking to your school’s guidance counselor may be sufficient. If it isn’t, he may at least be able to help persuade your parents that you need treatment (should that be the case).
My parents are’t aware of the problem. No-one really is. I have a problem opening up to people (faceless people on the internet are a lot easier). My parents are a mess. Even if they ever got off their lazy butts and took me, they certainly don’t have the money.
I’ve also found it easier to open up to even real life friends over the internet, and this might help you somewhat, if you try talking to some of your favorite friends online about how you feel.
St. John’s Wort is relatively cheap, and according to the science I recall reading, is about as effective as prescription antidepressants. If you consider yourself mentally healthy otherwise, psychedelics may help too; they did for me, anyway, and there’s at least a few studies that indicate psychedelics can improve mood and outlook in the long-term. (Edit 2: Don’t just take psychedelics on my word alone. Read trip reports on Erowid, don’t trip if you’re not in a good mood, don’t trip if you’re going to be responsible for anyone or anything for the rest of the day, don’t trip without a trip sitter until you have some experience, don’t trip if you don’t like the shirt you’re wearing, etc. etc.)
If you don’t have any close friends or significant others, fixing that should be your long-term priority. Since you’re here, I’ll make the bold guess that you’re smarter than most of your peers and relatively introverted, which can be a challenging combination for forming meaningful relationships if your high school is anything like mine was. Still, you’re a social creature. Figure out when and where the smart people at your school congregate, and try to get in on that.
Edit 1: People don’t seem to like my advice. I’d greatly appreciate it if someone explained what they find objectionable in this post.
It could be people are voting you down because you didn’t include what they might consider to be a “mandatory disclaimer” about psychedelics, set & setting, underlying mental illness, etc. While psychedelics have shown positive effects like you mentioned, you have to take into consideration the environment and context in which they were used.
I am actually quite extroverted. At school I have many good friends who I talk and joke with constantly. The problem is I never communicate on a deep level. We only ever chat about humorous things or intellectually interesting things, never emotions. I don’t think I have ever connected to someone on that level. I often feel as though none really knows me.
I do enjoy hanging out with my friends, but it is just at a superficial level. I think I’m always trying to elicit attention and approval from others, but am intelligent enough to do it subtly (not “Hey look at my awesome test scores. Admire me!”) I feel somewhat shyer around the “popular” people but also more greatly crave their approval. I don’t know if that’s a problem or just human nature.
Thanks for mentioning the drug, I’ll look into it.
If you need someone to talk to on a less superficial level, about anything you feel like, or just want to make an extra friend, feel free to leave me a message, or skype me at “Tuxedage”..
I was exactly like this for a while when I was younger (feeling like no-one really knows me). The thing that helped me most was learning empathy (I was pretty terrible at this to start with). This involved mainly actively working on putting myself in other people’s shoes: listen to their problems and try to imagine what it feels like, and what they might do to make it better, but making suggestions in as tactful a way as possible. It got me a lot closer to my friends and made me care more about people in general, and moved me towards being able to open up about my own problems. (It has the added benefit of making you really good at understanding and solving other people’s problems, which in turn makes you popular. I don’t think wanting approval and popularity is a problem!)
Don’t overdo it though, because being overemotional about everything isn’t that fun either (I went through a phase of that for a couple of years as well).
Unless it’s a symptom of a deeper psychological problem, which is a small possibility, I do believe that this is the kind of thing that just more emotional and general maturity will solve—specifically, learning to sympathise and empathise and trust a friend deeply. Making an active effort will speed it up though!
Yes, the key word was “close” friends. Having someone you care about who you can share just about anything with has no substitute. Introversion isn’t the same as shyness; it has to do with what what type and amount of social interaction you enjoy, not what you’re able to do. The fact that you have lots of people you’d call friends, but don’t feel completely fulfilled by their friendship and want something deeper and more personal, leads me to believe you’re more introverted than you think.
I agree with the post above advising “Wait, don’t panic”. I experienced (still do, sort of) exactly what you describe, and the people I developed the closest friendships with did as well. In fact, it was one of the primary contexts in which we were able to bond. As an intelligent person in a frequently alienating world, it can be very easy to feel disconnected and emotionally isolated. Don’t immediately conclude that you have a disorder that requires medical treatment.
So, if it helps: a lot of people experience what you are going through. A lot of people feel empty. It might be learned helplessness, a self-defense mechanism, or something else entirely. But if you are interested in becoming a better, more fulfilled person, and willing to put in the work required, don’t conclude you are broken. Make change, be open to happiness and emotion.
Also, I’m not going to claim that psychadelics don’t have potential value in the arena of personal growth, but at your current position they are probably not an optimal strategy.
Well, it sure sounds like a problem to me! I again refer you to psychedelics, they’re great for breaking mental barriers like that. And, again, only try them if you know what you’re getting into, i.e. have done many hours of research on using them specifically for introspection and therapy. (I say that for the benefit of others who might read this, not yourself; you’re clearly smart enough to not just jump right into psychedelic drugs...)
You may be suffering from depression. Seek evaluation and, if circumstances warrant, treatment.
I had considered that, and consider depression to be extremely likely. Unfortunately, I am a minor without the means of attaining evaluation or treatment. My parents lack the finances and the will.
So your parents are aware of the problem? Is there any way to discuss your problem locally? Message boards aren’t really helpful for this kind of thing, IME. For very mild depressions, talking to your school’s guidance counselor may be sufficient. If it isn’t, he may at least be able to help persuade your parents that you need treatment (should that be the case).
My parents are’t aware of the problem. No-one really is. I have a problem opening up to people (faceless people on the internet are a lot easier). My parents are a mess. Even if they ever got off their lazy butts and took me, they certainly don’t have the money.
I’ve also found it easier to open up to even real life friends over the internet, and this might help you somewhat, if you try talking to some of your favorite friends online about how you feel.
School counselor might be a way to get some help; I’d think it’s worth trying.
St. John’s Wort is relatively cheap, and according to the science I recall reading, is about as effective as prescription antidepressants. If you consider yourself mentally healthy otherwise, psychedelics may help too; they did for me, anyway, and there’s at least a few studies that indicate psychedelics can improve mood and outlook in the long-term. (Edit 2: Don’t just take psychedelics on my word alone. Read trip reports on Erowid, don’t trip if you’re not in a good mood, don’t trip if you’re going to be responsible for anyone or anything for the rest of the day, don’t trip without a trip sitter until you have some experience, don’t trip if you don’t like the shirt you’re wearing, etc. etc.)
If you don’t have any close friends or significant others, fixing that should be your long-term priority. Since you’re here, I’ll make the bold guess that you’re smarter than most of your peers and relatively introverted, which can be a challenging combination for forming meaningful relationships if your high school is anything like mine was. Still, you’re a social creature. Figure out when and where the smart people at your school congregate, and try to get in on that.
Edit 1: People don’t seem to like my advice. I’d greatly appreciate it if someone explained what they find objectionable in this post.
It could be people are voting you down because you didn’t include what they might consider to be a “mandatory disclaimer” about psychedelics, set & setting, underlying mental illness, etc. While psychedelics have shown positive effects like you mentioned, you have to take into consideration the environment and context in which they were used.
Also, avoid psychedelics if you’re at-risk for schizophrenia. Wikipedia says that blunted affect is symptomatic of schizophrenia.
I am actually quite extroverted. At school I have many good friends who I talk and joke with constantly. The problem is I never communicate on a deep level. We only ever chat about humorous things or intellectually interesting things, never emotions. I don’t think I have ever connected to someone on that level. I often feel as though none really knows me.
I do enjoy hanging out with my friends, but it is just at a superficial level. I think I’m always trying to elicit attention and approval from others, but am intelligent enough to do it subtly (not “Hey look at my awesome test scores. Admire me!”) I feel somewhat shyer around the “popular” people but also more greatly crave their approval. I don’t know if that’s a problem or just human nature.
Thanks for mentioning the drug, I’ll look into it.
Hey Raiden.
If you need someone to talk to on a less superficial level, about anything you feel like, or just want to make an extra friend, feel free to leave me a message, or skype me at “Tuxedage”..
I was exactly like this for a while when I was younger (feeling like no-one really knows me). The thing that helped me most was learning empathy (I was pretty terrible at this to start with). This involved mainly actively working on putting myself in other people’s shoes: listen to their problems and try to imagine what it feels like, and what they might do to make it better, but making suggestions in as tactful a way as possible. It got me a lot closer to my friends and made me care more about people in general, and moved me towards being able to open up about my own problems. (It has the added benefit of making you really good at understanding and solving other people’s problems, which in turn makes you popular. I don’t think wanting approval and popularity is a problem!)
Don’t overdo it though, because being overemotional about everything isn’t that fun either (I went through a phase of that for a couple of years as well).
Unless it’s a symptom of a deeper psychological problem, which is a small possibility, I do believe that this is the kind of thing that just more emotional and general maturity will solve—specifically, learning to sympathise and empathise and trust a friend deeply. Making an active effort will speed it up though!
Yes, the key word was “close” friends. Having someone you care about who you can share just about anything with has no substitute. Introversion isn’t the same as shyness; it has to do with what what type and amount of social interaction you enjoy, not what you’re able to do. The fact that you have lots of people you’d call friends, but don’t feel completely fulfilled by their friendship and want something deeper and more personal, leads me to believe you’re more introverted than you think.
I believe I do indeed have a difficulty connecting with people in such a manner. Can that also be a psychological problem?
I agree with the post above advising “Wait, don’t panic”. I experienced (still do, sort of) exactly what you describe, and the people I developed the closest friendships with did as well. In fact, it was one of the primary contexts in which we were able to bond. As an intelligent person in a frequently alienating world, it can be very easy to feel disconnected and emotionally isolated. Don’t immediately conclude that you have a disorder that requires medical treatment.
So, if it helps: a lot of people experience what you are going through. A lot of people feel empty. It might be learned helplessness, a self-defense mechanism, or something else entirely. But if you are interested in becoming a better, more fulfilled person, and willing to put in the work required, don’t conclude you are broken. Make change, be open to happiness and emotion.
Also, I’m not going to claim that psychadelics don’t have potential value in the arena of personal growth, but at your current position they are probably not an optimal strategy.
Well, it sure sounds like a problem to me! I again refer you to psychedelics, they’re great for breaking mental barriers like that. And, again, only try them if you know what you’re getting into, i.e. have done many hours of research on using them specifically for introspection and therapy. (I say that for the benefit of others who might read this, not yourself; you’re clearly smart enough to not just jump right into psychedelic drugs...)
Why do you consider it unlikely?