It’s screaming at the cactus person, demanding an answer.
The cactus person is unable to assist the enquirer because it is stuck in its own car, a narrative that says that all you can do to help someone get out of the car is tell them to get out of the car. The cactus person insists that it must work, despite the observation that it doesn’t work, and the more that it doesn’t work, the more they insist that it must, the louder they scream “GET OUT OF THE CAR!”, and the more they blame the other for not getting out of the car.
But there is, in fact, an answer that can be given. There is something that can be taught and learned, techniques of dismembering these narratives, finding their origins, verifying their truth or falsity (spoiler: they’re usually made of lies), and responding to situations as they are, instead of being driven by internal stories about “I must—”, “I have to—”, “I shouldn’t—”, “I must be—” and so on. None of these techniques involve telling anyone to get out of the car. They acknowledge that there is a car, that they are in it, and teach how to notice the car and how to get out of it, without mystification or woo. My experience is that it works.
However, while I may have learned a little of this sort of thing, I am not going to attempt to teach it, because I am absolutely unqualified to do so, and anyway it’s an experience to be had, not a book to read. I prefer to do no more than link to an old comment of mine where I mention the organisation whose courses I have taken. I hope that dropping its name twice in eight years will not be seen as proselytising. Possibly it is not the only one that does something along these lines, but it is one I have experience of and have found valuable, and I think there cannot be many others.
I basically agree. Hence this post, which I hope says more than just “get out of the car,” but provides additional tools.
There’s a sort of egging on that I think is going on when people keep repeating “get out of the car.” And I think it works. It’s something like… trying to get the person frustrated enough to look outside of the space of the solutions they’ve looked at already. Or, may be more accurately, reexamine more of their assumptions than they have so far. I think it works for people who already want to “get out of the car”. But I also agree that it has a bit of the higher-than-thou tone. Some people respond to that, some people find it off putting. I tried to do both, but who knows how well that turned out.
The cactus person is unable to assist the enquirer because it is stuck in its own car, a narrative that says that all you can do to help someone get out of the car is tell them to get out of the car. The cactus person insists that it must work, despite the observation that it doesn’t work, and the more that it doesn’t work, the more they insist that it must, the louder they scream “GET OUT OF THE CAR!”, and the more they blame the other for not getting out of the car.
But there is, in fact, an answer that can be given. There is something that can be taught and learned, techniques of dismembering these narratives, finding their origins, verifying their truth or falsity (spoiler: they’re usually made of lies), and responding to situations as they are, instead of being driven by internal stories about “I must—”, “I have to—”, “I shouldn’t—”, “I must be—” and so on. None of these techniques involve telling anyone to get out of the car. They acknowledge that there is a car, that they are in it, and teach how to notice the car and how to get out of it, without mystification or woo. My experience is that it works.
However, while I may have learned a little of this sort of thing, I am not going to attempt to teach it, because I am absolutely unqualified to do so, and anyway it’s an experience to be had, not a book to read. I prefer to do no more than link to an old comment of mine where I mention the organisation whose courses I have taken. I hope that dropping its name twice in eight years will not be seen as proselytising. Possibly it is not the only one that does something along these lines, but it is one I have experience of and have found valuable, and I think there cannot be many others.
I basically agree. Hence this post, which I hope says more than just “get out of the car,” but provides additional tools.
There’s a sort of egging on that I think is going on when people keep repeating “get out of the car.” And I think it works. It’s something like… trying to get the person frustrated enough to look outside of the space of the solutions they’ve looked at already. Or, may be more accurately, reexamine more of their assumptions than they have so far. I think it works for people who already want to “get out of the car”. But I also agree that it has a bit of the higher-than-thou tone. Some people respond to that, some people find it off putting. I tried to do both, but who knows how well that turned out.
This is basically the core idea behind zen.