You can get personal attractiveness through different ways.
I went in three years from being told that I never smile while dancing to being asked why I smile while dancing without being able to give a reason.
It’s not because I specifically worked on my smile but because I did emotional work on a deep level.
At a family event yesterday someone told me that I look taller then when we last meet a while ago and I probably do appear taller than I was a year ago because my body language changed as a result of deeper work.
If you become a more happy person who doesn’t get anxiety because of all sorts of things that are happening around you, you will appear to be more attractive in any face to face encounter and even on photos.
If I want to connect with another person I care about perceiving the reactions that the words that I speak have on the other person. If the women with whom I’m talking doesn’t show any facial reactions because she’s on botox that makes it a lot harder for me to connect with her.
A good quote in the CBT book “The feeling good handbook” is “You can never be loved for your successes-only for your vulnerabilities. People may be attracted to you and may admire you if you are a great success. They may also resent and envy you. But they can never love you for your success.”
Being vulnerable is useful. If all of your bodylanguage is fake and further signals are hidden by makeup than you aren’t vunerable and you make it hard for other people to love you.
gwern in my you in my mind one of the few individuals who usually walks his talk. Do you think it’s useful to use makeup? Do you use it yourself? Especially if you cite a paper that gender isn’t very important when it comes to the effects of beauty,
Given the nature of the subject it might be hard to speak openly*, but do you do other black hat stuff to manipulate the people you interacts with into finding you more attractive?
*While I do promote openness I’m also willing to treat information that’s marked as private privately and my commitment to openness, doesn’t mean that I have a problem of protecting the secrets of other people.
gwern in my you in my mind one of the few individuals who usually walks his talk. Do you think it’s useful to use makeup? Do you use it yourself? Especially if you cite a paper that gender isn’t very important when it comes to the effects of beauty
I don’t use makeup at the moment, but I have two main reasons for this: I interact with few people so I expect my gains to be less than average, and I am revolted by the very idea of using cosmetics or working on my appearance. (I think it’s a mix of dislike of deception, laziness, and gender norms.)
The former is fine as far as it goes, but as far as the latter is concerned… I admit it is a bad reason; I’ve been trying to improve matters by small compromising steps which don’t trigger my dislike: purchasing better-looking glasses, improving my shaving routine, more regular exercise, throwing out the worst of my clothes.
I am revolted by the very idea of using cosmetics or working on my appearance. (I think it’s a mix of dislike of deception, laziness, and gender norms.)
It’s indeed a problem when you at the same time revolt against the idea of working on your appearance and think it’s a high benefit activity.
I think the solution is either to work out that working on your appearance goes against the values of yourself or to revolve the emotional issues and work at your appearance.
If you walk around and it’s clear that your appearance isn’t optimized because you don’t believe in doing so but could if you wanted to that’s respectable and can be a high status move. If you appear to be trying hard to work on your appearance and fail in doing anything because you revolt against the idea of working on your appearance that no sign of social status.
For myself the time when I put the most attention on my appearance was being 1 year into dancing Salsa. The activity gave me a new perception of my body and after I perceived I had internal motivation to improve. At the time I was also trying to optimize to effect other people with I’m not really anymore but I’m still not badly dressed. I’m no Zizek ;)
You can get personal attractiveness through different ways.
I went in three years from being told that I never smile while dancing to being asked why I smile while dancing without being able to give a reason.
It’s not because I specifically worked on my smile but because I did emotional work on a deep level.
At a family event yesterday someone told me that I look taller then when we last meet a while ago and I probably do appear taller than I was a year ago because my body language changed as a result of deeper work.
If you become a more happy person who doesn’t get anxiety because of all sorts of things that are happening around you, you will appear to be more attractive in any face to face encounter and even on photos.
If I want to connect with another person I care about perceiving the reactions that the words that I speak have on the other person. If the women with whom I’m talking doesn’t show any facial reactions because she’s on botox that makes it a lot harder for me to connect with her.
A good quote in the CBT book “The feeling good handbook” is “You can never be loved for your successes-only for your vulnerabilities. People may be attracted to you and may admire you if you are a great success. They may also resent and envy you. But they can never love you for your success.”
Being vulnerable is useful. If all of your bodylanguage is fake and further signals are hidden by makeup than you aren’t vunerable and you make it hard for other people to love you.
gwern in my you in my mind one of the few individuals who usually walks his talk. Do you think it’s useful to use makeup? Do you use it yourself? Especially if you cite a paper that gender isn’t very important when it comes to the effects of beauty,
Given the nature of the subject it might be hard to speak openly*, but do you do other black hat stuff to manipulate the people you interacts with into finding you more attractive?
*While I do promote openness I’m also willing to treat information that’s marked as private privately and my commitment to openness, doesn’t mean that I have a problem of protecting the secrets of other people.
I don’t use makeup at the moment, but I have two main reasons for this: I interact with few people so I expect my gains to be less than average, and I am revolted by the very idea of using cosmetics or working on my appearance. (I think it’s a mix of dislike of deception, laziness, and gender norms.)
The former is fine as far as it goes, but as far as the latter is concerned… I admit it is a bad reason; I’ve been trying to improve matters by small compromising steps which don’t trigger my dislike: purchasing better-looking glasses, improving my shaving routine, more regular exercise, throwing out the worst of my clothes.
It’s indeed a problem when you at the same time revolt against the idea of working on your appearance and think it’s a high benefit activity.
I think the solution is either to work out that working on your appearance goes against the values of yourself or to revolve the emotional issues and work at your appearance.
If you walk around and it’s clear that your appearance isn’t optimized because you don’t believe in doing so but could if you wanted to that’s respectable and can be a high status move. If you appear to be trying hard to work on your appearance and fail in doing anything because you revolt against the idea of working on your appearance that no sign of social status.
For myself the time when I put the most attention on my appearance was being 1 year into dancing Salsa. The activity gave me a new perception of my body and after I perceived I had internal motivation to improve. At the time I was also trying to optimize to effect other people with I’m not really anymore but I’m still not badly dressed. I’m no Zizek ;)