Thanks for opening up! I didn’t mean to alarm people. I’m much better today, “from suicidal to immortal,” haha. I see it’s mainly thanks to information theory and finding the best questions.
As for your question about “who should I ask for help?”
Personally, largely due to my story I posted here, I have a hard time trusting. It’s not that I didn’t try; I went to four psychologists, two psychiatrists, and checked myself into a sanatorium. When I couldn’t trust anyone anymore, not even myself, I told the police I’d committed a crime to isolate myself from society.
But I also had a friend who didn’t give up, and since I didn’t want to hurt him, I started looking for information and books that helped me through the process: The Drunkard’s Way, Rationality from A to Z, and Superforecasting.
And I’m here to try to rethink what I see with the community with the fewest errors I can find, haha. Although, as a Brazilian dyslexic who lived in Argentina, I find it extremely difficult to write.
Perhaps my path isn’t very relevant to many, but I find it interesting to practice all these books to question yourself and find the best questions for self-confidence. Or am I just talking nonsense?
Nope. You seem perfectly reasonable to me. Thank you for being vulnerable too, especially with English not being your first language.
Care on here can be a little hit-or-miss. I try to raise the average.
I’m glad you’re doing better right now. I haven’t myself had that kind of experience. I recently had a friend of a friend that was afflicted with paranoia. I thought that maybe it was schizophrenia, but after his death we learned it was likely liver failure due to heavy drinking. He’s thoroughly isolated himself.
I’ve thought a lot about how to be as rational as possible when my brain isn’t working right. My aunt died of Alzheimer’s, so that runs in my family. I’ve been journaling every day for over a year now. It’s really about the only solution that I’ve come to for mitigating the effects of cognitive decline.
It’s come in handy for the normal cognitive decline that come with age, and the memory problems I have with ADHD. Writing out my thoughts out also helps me to identify trends. It gives me a little distance from the thoughts and makes them easier to examine.
Yes, the unpredictable of LessWrong. I don’t quite understand why my other posts are positive. I was asked to reflect on everything that happened, and I’ve already tried rewriting this text about five times, and the karma is negative. haha. Thanks to my friend, I corrected my reasoning from “I don’t fit in and I hold people back” to “how can I not fit in so that I help others fit in?”
And this also led me to a kind of diary. I spent three months recording myself every 30 minutes, looking for factors, haha, to study myself. Many are very random, right? it can be exhausting because so much is random. Today, I solve this a bit by noting more amodal moments, especially my most motivated moments, and looking for the most likely factors that led to them. As if I were betting on the factors that most contribute to my motivation and satisfaction.
Cognitive loss would be deadly, even though I lost my social life and was confused about how I was nothing without my job. I took constant cognitive tests to see if I was losing my cognition. and seems that I have a variation: on average, I process well for two days, I process avarege about four days, and I process poorly for two days (a sine curve? haha). And having these graphs and studies as quantitative as possible of how I rely on myself makes my bad days much easier.
I use moments of maximum motivation as a reference, you know? Because I see that when I’m shaken, the main thing is that I lose my reference points. Personal sharing points? Haha. I don’t know. That would be the second question I ask myself when I feel terrible: What are you terrible at compared to? Is it really negative or just less positive? Because of this bias, right? We only see part of the graph and see a worsening as negative, and we lose the whole graph. Do you know?
And how has your cognition been? There are a lot of things that help with Alzheimer’s and ADHD these days, right? What have you tried or are trying?
My cognition is pretty good for someone 47, I think. I’m a software engineer so I’m financially dependent on my ability to perform mental labor. I have days where I can hold very complicated systems in my head, and I’m super productive. I also have days where I struggle to hold two things in my head at once, and I can’t really work. It’s worked out for me because, on average, I do pretty well.
I don’t show any symptoms of Alzheimer’s, nor do my parents, in their 70s. Hopefully that continues.
I struggle with contextual memory—like remembering to make an appointment with my doctor when I can do so. I also struggle with working memory, like by the time someone tells me the third turn, I’ve forgotten the first. I struggle with remembering to do a second thing after the current task, like if I need to both throw out some trash and put away a book, I’ll be repeating in my head, “book, book, book…” until I’ve thrown out the trash, or I’ll just carry it around, or more likely, put it in a place I won’t remember.
I used to see these as character flaws that I never seemed to be able to overcome, causing me a lot of shame and negative self-talk.
Now I just see these as limitations that I can mitigate, where trying is good enough. It’s not fair to judge someone who can’t move their arms for not shaking my hand. It’s no more fair to judge myself for not living up neurotypical standards.
I use cognitive prosthetics, like reminders on my phone, my calendar with multiple alerts, and my journal. I compensate in other ways. When I tell myself I’ll do something later, I reply, “later is a lie,” which often enough gets me to stop when I’m doing. I have shower cleaners in my shower, my one plant above the sink (or now also in my shower in the window). If I need to remember to take something with me when I go home, I’ll put it with my shoes, if not immediately in the car: I put things I need to remember in places I’ll see.
Yes! I have everything tied to my body with strings so I don’t lose anything, like keys, my phone, and even my glasses are tied to my ears. “Later is a lie” is a bit harsh, isn’t it? Doesn’t it drain your energy to accuse yourself like that? Haha. Don’t you see a more considerate alternative?
“Later” is a lie I tell myself. If I tell some I’ll do something later, there is a decent chance won’t think about it unless I do something about it. That can be putting it in my calendar, set a reminder, or actually getting up and doing the thing.
It’s not judging myself. It’s reminding myself that the easy thought of “I can do that later” doesn’t work the way I want it to. There is a good chance I’ll not think or it, or only think of it when I am driving or something. It’s a reminder that maybe I need to step away from what I’m fixated on so I can do all of the other important things.
“Later is a lie” has become a bit of a motto and mantra for me, along with “First: be kind.” Both of those came from things I’ve repeatedly told my son, as he’s been growing up. Now when I ask him to do the dishes, and he replies, “I’ll do them later” all I have to do it raise an eyebrow and he’ll either do them or set a timer.
I understand that “that’s a lie” works for you, and especially “first be kind.” I feel an enormous sweetness in your words and responses. And I read the description of the scene with your son, very tender! Like a loving sitcom, “Modern Family.” However, personally, if I tell myself that, it’s already another burden I have: “I’m a liar.” So I prefer to ask myself something more gentle, like: “Are you 100% sure you’ll do this later? Is it worth the risk of not doing it?”
Thanks for opening up!
I didn’t mean to alarm people. I’m much better today, “from suicidal to immortal,” haha. I see it’s mainly thanks to information theory and finding the best questions.
As for your question about “who should I ask for help?”
Personally, largely due to my story I posted here, I have a hard time trusting. It’s not that I didn’t try; I went to four psychologists, two psychiatrists, and checked myself into a sanatorium. When I couldn’t trust anyone anymore, not even myself, I told the police I’d committed a crime to isolate myself from society.
But I also had a friend who didn’t give up, and since I didn’t want to hurt him, I started looking for information and books that helped me through the process:
The Drunkard’s Way,
Rationality from A to Z, and
Superforecasting.
And I’m here to try to rethink what I see with the community with the fewest errors I can find, haha. Although, as a Brazilian dyslexic who lived in Argentina, I find it extremely difficult to write.
Perhaps my path isn’t very relevant to many, but I find it interesting to practice all these books to question yourself and find the best questions for self-confidence. Or am I just talking nonsense?
Nope. You seem perfectly reasonable to me. Thank you for being vulnerable too, especially with English not being your first language.
Care on here can be a little hit-or-miss. I try to raise the average.
I’m glad you’re doing better right now. I haven’t myself had that kind of experience. I recently had a friend of a friend that was afflicted with paranoia. I thought that maybe it was schizophrenia, but after his death we learned it was likely liver failure due to heavy drinking. He’s thoroughly isolated himself.
I’ve thought a lot about how to be as rational as possible when my brain isn’t working right. My aunt died of Alzheimer’s, so that runs in my family. I’ve been journaling every day for over a year now. It’s really about the only solution that I’ve come to for mitigating the effects of cognitive decline.
It’s come in handy for the normal cognitive decline that come with age, and the memory problems I have with ADHD. Writing out my thoughts out also helps me to identify trends. It gives me a little distance from the thoughts and makes them easier to examine.
Thanks for posting.
Yes, the unpredictable of LessWrong. I don’t quite understand why my other posts are positive. I was asked to reflect on everything that happened, and I’ve already tried rewriting this text about five times, and the karma is negative. haha. Thanks to my friend, I corrected my reasoning from “I don’t fit in and I hold people back” to “how can I not fit in so that I help others fit in?”
And this also led me to a kind of diary. I spent three months recording myself every 30 minutes, looking for factors, haha, to study myself. Many are very random, right? it can be exhausting because so much is random. Today, I solve this a bit by noting more amodal moments, especially my most motivated moments, and looking for the most likely factors that led to them. As if I were betting on the factors that most contribute to my motivation and satisfaction.
Cognitive loss would be deadly, even though I lost my social life and was confused about how I was nothing without my job. I took constant cognitive tests to see if I was losing my cognition. and seems that I have a variation: on average, I process well for two days, I process avarege about four days, and I process poorly for two days (a sine curve? haha). And having these graphs and studies as quantitative as possible of how I rely on myself makes my bad days much easier.
I use moments of maximum motivation as a reference, you know? Because I see that when I’m shaken, the main thing is that I lose my reference points. Personal sharing points? Haha. I don’t know. That would be the second question I ask myself when I feel terrible: What are you terrible at compared to? Is it really negative or just less positive? Because of this bias, right? We only see part of the graph and see a worsening as negative, and we lose the whole graph. Do you know?
And how has your cognition been? There are a lot of things that help with Alzheimer’s and ADHD these days, right? What have you tried or are trying?
Thanks for responding!
My cognition is pretty good for someone 47, I think. I’m a software engineer so I’m financially dependent on my ability to perform mental labor. I have days where I can hold very complicated systems in my head, and I’m super productive. I also have days where I struggle to hold two things in my head at once, and I can’t really work. It’s worked out for me because, on average, I do pretty well.
I don’t show any symptoms of Alzheimer’s, nor do my parents, in their 70s. Hopefully that continues.
I struggle with contextual memory—like remembering to make an appointment with my doctor when I can do so. I also struggle with working memory, like by the time someone tells me the third turn, I’ve forgotten the first. I struggle with remembering to do a second thing after the current task, like if I need to both throw out some trash and put away a book, I’ll be repeating in my head, “book, book, book…” until I’ve thrown out the trash, or I’ll just carry it around, or more likely, put it in a place I won’t remember.
I used to see these as character flaws that I never seemed to be able to overcome, causing me a lot of shame and negative self-talk.
Now I just see these as limitations that I can mitigate, where trying is good enough. It’s not fair to judge someone who can’t move their arms for not shaking my hand. It’s no more fair to judge myself for not living up neurotypical standards.
I use cognitive prosthetics, like reminders on my phone, my calendar with multiple alerts, and my journal. I compensate in other ways. When I tell myself I’ll do something later, I reply, “later is a lie,” which often enough gets me to stop when I’m doing. I have shower cleaners in my shower, my one plant above the sink (or now also in my shower in the window). If I need to remember to take something with me when I go home, I’ll put it with my shoes, if not immediately in the car: I put things I need to remember in places I’ll see.
All of that only works so well.
Yes! I have everything tied to my body with strings so I don’t lose anything, like keys, my phone, and even my glasses are tied to my ears. “Later is a lie” is a bit harsh, isn’t it? Doesn’t it drain your energy to accuse yourself like that? Haha. Don’t you see a more considerate alternative?
“Later” is a lie I tell myself. If I tell some I’ll do something later, there is a decent chance won’t think about it unless I do something about it. That can be putting it in my calendar, set a reminder, or actually getting up and doing the thing.
It’s not judging myself. It’s reminding myself that the easy thought of “I can do that later” doesn’t work the way I want it to. There is a good chance I’ll not think or it, or only think of it when I am driving or something. It’s a reminder that maybe I need to step away from what I’m fixated on so I can do all of the other important things.
“Later is a lie” has become a bit of a motto and mantra for me, along with “First: be kind.” Both of those came from things I’ve repeatedly told my son, as he’s been growing up. Now when I ask him to do the dishes, and he replies, “I’ll do them later” all I have to do it raise an eyebrow and he’ll either do them or set a timer.
My go to saying with the same meaning as “later is a lie” is (tongue in cheek) “nothing has ever happened in the future”
I understand that “that’s a lie” works for you, and especially “first be kind.” I feel an enormous sweetness in your words and responses. And I read the description of the scene with your son, very tender! Like a loving sitcom, “Modern Family.”
However, personally, if I tell myself that, it’s already another burden I have: “I’m a liar.” So I prefer to ask myself something more gentle, like: “Are you 100% sure you’ll do this later? Is it worth the risk of not doing it?”