My cognition is pretty good for someone 47, I think. I’m a software engineer so I’m financially dependent on my ability to perform mental labor. I have days where I can hold very complicated systems in my head, and I’m super productive. I also have days where I struggle to hold two things in my head at once, and I can’t really work. It’s worked out for me because, on average, I do pretty well.
I don’t show any symptoms of Alzheimer’s, nor do my parents, in their 70s. Hopefully that continues.
I struggle with contextual memory—like remembering to make an appointment with my doctor when I can do so. I also struggle with working memory, like by the time someone tells me the third turn, I’ve forgotten the first. I struggle with remembering to do a second thing after the current task, like if I need to both throw out some trash and put away a book, I’ll be repeating in my head, “book, book, book…” until I’ve thrown out the trash, or I’ll just carry it around, or more likely, put it in a place I won’t remember.
I used to see these as character flaws that I never seemed to be able to overcome, causing me a lot of shame and negative self-talk.
Now I just see these as limitations that I can mitigate, where trying is good enough. It’s not fair to judge someone who can’t move their arms for not shaking my hand. It’s no more fair to judge myself for not living up neurotypical standards.
I use cognitive prosthetics, like reminders on my phone, my calendar with multiple alerts, and my journal. I compensate in other ways. When I tell myself I’ll do something later, I reply, “later is a lie,” which often enough gets me to stop when I’m doing. I have shower cleaners in my shower, my one plant above the sink (or now also in my shower in the window). If I need to remember to take something with me when I go home, I’ll put it with my shoes, if not immediately in the car: I put things I need to remember in places I’ll see.
Yes! I have everything tied to my body with strings so I don’t lose anything, like keys, my phone, and even my glasses are tied to my ears. “Later is a lie” is a bit harsh, isn’t it? Doesn’t it drain your energy to accuse yourself like that? Haha. Don’t you see a more considerate alternative?
“Later” is a lie I tell myself. If I tell some I’ll do something later, there is a decent chance won’t think about it unless I do something about it. That can be putting it in my calendar, set a reminder, or actually getting up and doing the thing.
It’s not judging myself. It’s reminding myself that the easy thought of “I can do that later” doesn’t work the way I want it to. There is a good chance I’ll not think or it, or only think of it when I am driving or something. It’s a reminder that maybe I need to step away from what I’m fixated on so I can do all of the other important things.
“Later is a lie” has become a bit of a motto and mantra for me, along with “First: be kind.” Both of those came from things I’ve repeatedly told my son, as he’s been growing up. Now when I ask him to do the dishes, and he replies, “I’ll do them later” all I have to do it raise an eyebrow and he’ll either do them or set a timer.
I understand that “that’s a lie” works for you, and especially “first be kind.” I feel an enormous sweetness in your words and responses. And I read the description of the scene with your son, very tender! Like a loving sitcom, “Modern Family.” However, personally, if I tell myself that, it’s already another burden I have: “I’m a liar.” So I prefer to ask myself something more gentle, like: “Are you 100% sure you’ll do this later? Is it worth the risk of not doing it?”
My cognition is pretty good for someone 47, I think. I’m a software engineer so I’m financially dependent on my ability to perform mental labor. I have days where I can hold very complicated systems in my head, and I’m super productive. I also have days where I struggle to hold two things in my head at once, and I can’t really work. It’s worked out for me because, on average, I do pretty well.
I don’t show any symptoms of Alzheimer’s, nor do my parents, in their 70s. Hopefully that continues.
I struggle with contextual memory—like remembering to make an appointment with my doctor when I can do so. I also struggle with working memory, like by the time someone tells me the third turn, I’ve forgotten the first. I struggle with remembering to do a second thing after the current task, like if I need to both throw out some trash and put away a book, I’ll be repeating in my head, “book, book, book…” until I’ve thrown out the trash, or I’ll just carry it around, or more likely, put it in a place I won’t remember.
I used to see these as character flaws that I never seemed to be able to overcome, causing me a lot of shame and negative self-talk.
Now I just see these as limitations that I can mitigate, where trying is good enough. It’s not fair to judge someone who can’t move their arms for not shaking my hand. It’s no more fair to judge myself for not living up neurotypical standards.
I use cognitive prosthetics, like reminders on my phone, my calendar with multiple alerts, and my journal. I compensate in other ways. When I tell myself I’ll do something later, I reply, “later is a lie,” which often enough gets me to stop when I’m doing. I have shower cleaners in my shower, my one plant above the sink (or now also in my shower in the window). If I need to remember to take something with me when I go home, I’ll put it with my shoes, if not immediately in the car: I put things I need to remember in places I’ll see.
All of that only works so well.
Yes! I have everything tied to my body with strings so I don’t lose anything, like keys, my phone, and even my glasses are tied to my ears. “Later is a lie” is a bit harsh, isn’t it? Doesn’t it drain your energy to accuse yourself like that? Haha. Don’t you see a more considerate alternative?
“Later” is a lie I tell myself. If I tell some I’ll do something later, there is a decent chance won’t think about it unless I do something about it. That can be putting it in my calendar, set a reminder, or actually getting up and doing the thing.
It’s not judging myself. It’s reminding myself that the easy thought of “I can do that later” doesn’t work the way I want it to. There is a good chance I’ll not think or it, or only think of it when I am driving or something. It’s a reminder that maybe I need to step away from what I’m fixated on so I can do all of the other important things.
“Later is a lie” has become a bit of a motto and mantra for me, along with “First: be kind.” Both of those came from things I’ve repeatedly told my son, as he’s been growing up. Now when I ask him to do the dishes, and he replies, “I’ll do them later” all I have to do it raise an eyebrow and he’ll either do them or set a timer.
My go to saying with the same meaning as “later is a lie” is (tongue in cheek) “nothing has ever happened in the future”
I understand that “that’s a lie” works for you, and especially “first be kind.” I feel an enormous sweetness in your words and responses. And I read the description of the scene with your son, very tender! Like a loving sitcom, “Modern Family.”
However, personally, if I tell myself that, it’s already another burden I have: “I’m a liar.” So I prefer to ask myself something more gentle, like: “Are you 100% sure you’ll do this later? Is it worth the risk of not doing it?”