Hrm. “But” is better than “For.” I think “Now” might be better than either, but I’ve been staring at these lines for a while- thoughts?
So the best of their work is the kind that’ll replicate.
Eh. I like “so the best off their work is the kind that’ll replicate” over “so the best of their work is what can replicate” but admit mine isn’t great.
Under sensible, responsible consideration “replicate” is just a really insane word to try and make work in anapestic tetrametre. I have to cheat my pronounciation a bit to downplay the “rep-” plus it takes some weird setup. Since I am not always a sensible responsible poet I wanted to put “replicate” in here somewhere anyway.
“Why on Earth [should/would] we test?” said the Snaw with a sniff.”
Yep, I dropped a foot, this is straightforwardly better.
Hrm. “But” is better than “For.” I think “Now” might be better than either, but I’ve been staring at these lines for a while- thoughts?
I prefer “but”. To me, “now” doesn’t have the “compare-and-contrast” feeling, and does feel like it’s setting up for something that doesn’t come.
If I turn each verse into a single sentence, I get:
A Snaw thinks something is true, even if it’s really just a guess. [But/now] a scientist checks the things they believe. On a lake, a scientist’s boat crashed into a Snaw’s.
And the “now” makes me think that the third sentence will be more closely related than it actually is. In the actual poem, I guess the setup could be for the second half of the verse, but it feels like it needs more, or something.
Eh. I like “so the best off their work is the kind that’ll replicate” over “so the best of their work is what can replicate” but admit mine isn’t great.
Valid. In any case Richard’s is a clear improvement on both.
Oh, thanks! First two I just straight agree with.
Hrm. “But” is better than “For.” I think “Now” might be better than either, but I’ve been staring at these lines for a while- thoughts?
Eh. I like “so the best off their work is the kind that’ll replicate” over “so the best of their work is what can replicate” but admit mine isn’t great.
Under sensible, responsible consideration “replicate” is just a really insane word to try and make work in anapestic tetrametre. I have to cheat my pronounciation a bit to downplay the “rep-” plus it takes some weird setup. Since I am not always a sensible responsible poet I wanted to put “replicate” in here somewhere anyway.
Yep, I dropped a foot, this is straightforwardly better.
Thanks for the suggestions!
“So their best work’s the work that they see replicate.”
I prefer “but”. To me, “now” doesn’t have the “compare-and-contrast” feeling, and does feel like it’s setting up for something that doesn’t come.
If I turn each verse into a single sentence, I get:
A Snaw thinks something is true, even if it’s really just a guess. [But/now] a scientist checks the things they believe. On a lake, a scientist’s boat crashed into a Snaw’s.
And the “now” makes me think that the third sentence will be more closely related than it actually is. In the actual poem, I guess the setup could be for the second half of the verse, but it feels like it needs more, or something.
Valid. In any case Richard’s is a clear improvement on both.