It seems that people are always looking for positive evidence, and that looking for negative evidence (I suspect my vocabulary might be incorrect?) is socially unacceptable. Ie. “Let’s see if we could find something in common.” seems typical and acceptable, while “Let’s see if each of us posses any characteristics that would make us incompatible” seems socially unacceptable.
Note: I have zero experience with dating and romance so these are just my impressions, although I suspect that they’re true.
It’s considered rude to say that out loud during a date.
In these very words, probably, but it’s perfectly socially acceptable for e.g. a vegan to declare outright that s/he is not interested in carnivores...
Do you think that it’s rude? It seems sensible to me.
It seems that people interpret such actions as hostile. And people who say things like that probably are hostile. However, I don’t think the likelihood of the person being hostile is high enough such that you should conclude that they actually are. I think that the likelihood is low enough such that the courteous thing to do is investigate further as why they’re saying that.
And if they’re well intentioned—ie. they want both parties to find someone that they’re compatible and happy with, and are just trying to do a good job of that—then I think the mature thing to do is to respect it.
The point of a dating conversation isn’t primarily to exchange information. It’s to create good feelings and see whether one can create a feeling of connection.
The ultimate point is to determine compatibility. But the best way to do that is to follow social convention and keep things positive. In doing this, your System I will be able to determine compatibility, and will notify you by producing emotions. By violating social convention and saying something like, “Let’s see if each of us posses any characteristics that would make us incompatible”, you’d hamper System I in exchange for some information for System II to use. This exchange isn’t worth it.
No, building an emotional connection isn’t an act that’s just about gathering information the same way as lighting a pile of wood on fire isn’t about testing the wedness of the wood.
Do dating conventions fall victim to Positive Bias?
It seems that people are always looking for positive evidence, and that looking for negative evidence (I suspect my vocabulary might be incorrect?) is socially unacceptable. Ie. “Let’s see if we could find something in common.” seems typical and acceptable, while “Let’s see if each of us posses any characteristics that would make us incompatible” seems socially unacceptable.
Note: I have zero experience with dating and romance so these are just my impressions, although I suspect that they’re true.
It’s considered rude to say that out loud during a date. However, it is considered good practice to be alert for such characteristics.
In these very words, probably, but it’s perfectly socially acceptable for e.g. a vegan to declare outright that s/he is not interested in carnivores...
Do you think that it’s rude? It seems sensible to me.
It seems that people interpret such actions as hostile. And people who say things like that probably are hostile. However, I don’t think the likelihood of the person being hostile is high enough such that you should conclude that they actually are. I think that the likelihood is low enough such that the courteous thing to do is investigate further as why they’re saying that.
And if they’re well intentioned—ie. they want both parties to find someone that they’re compatible and happy with, and are just trying to do a good job of that—then I think the mature thing to do is to respect it.
The point of a dating conversation isn’t primarily to exchange information. It’s to create good feelings and see whether one can create a feeling of connection.
Is this a correct restatement of your claim?
The ultimate point is to determine compatibility. But the best way to do that is to follow social convention and keep things positive. In doing this, your System I will be able to determine compatibility, and will notify you by producing emotions. By violating social convention and saying something like, “Let’s see if each of us posses any characteristics that would make us incompatible”, you’d hamper System I in exchange for some information for System II to use. This exchange isn’t worth it.
It’d be interesting to see some research on this.
No, building an emotional connection isn’t an act that’s just about gathering information the same way as lighting a pile of wood on fire isn’t about testing the wedness of the wood.