i have a theory that a lot of people go through “emotional healing” only to end up as still-broken people who now have “being healed” as a big part of their identity that lets them feel superior to other people who are less far along the chosen path than they are. ofc, there are also people who are actually emotionally in touch. an easy way to distinguish such people is to notice how you feel around them. do they make you feel more calm and grounded, or do they make you unhappy and defensive?
this does not so much match my personal experience. maybe it’s some kind of selection effect, but then, that kind of person sounds really annoying, so I would recommend my selection process, whatever it is
i think there’s a difference between being a people pleaser and being a calming force for those around you. some people exude a sense of calmness that doesn’t require their even uttering a single word.
The last part surprised me because in general I don’t think of heard of considering whether other people make you “feel more calm and grounded [vs] unhappy and defensive” as an insight into whether those others are psychologically well. What is the theory of the connection there?
emotions are somewhat contagious. someone who is very at peace will also make people around them at peace. someone who is unhappy will make people around them unhappy. someone who wants to help people out of a deep love for all people will make those around them feel differently than someone who wants to help people as a way to affirm their own superiority.
Thank you, this fits my model, although I have never put it in words this way. Now I’d say that some people just profess being healthy, while others are healthy. (Maybe even: “if you need to tell others that you are emotionally healthy, you are probably not”. With some caveats, e.g. if they explicitly asked you, and you answered.)
Uhm, a third option, what if they found a coping mechanism? Not the same as not having the problem at all, but also not the same as suffering helplessly. There will be some inflexibility, but the benefits are real.
i have a theory that a lot of people go through “emotional healing” only to end up as still-broken people who now have “being healed” as a big part of their identity that lets them feel superior to other people who are less far along the chosen path than they are. ofc, there are also people who are actually emotionally in touch. an easy way to distinguish such people is to notice how you feel around them. do they make you feel more calm and grounded, or do they make you unhappy and defensive?
this does not so much match my personal experience. maybe it’s some kind of selection effect, but then, that kind of person sounds really annoying, so I would recommend my selection process, whatever it is
For some people becoming less of a people pleaser is an important part of their healing.
i think there’s a difference between being a people pleaser and being a calming force for those around you. some people exude a sense of calmness that doesn’t require their even uttering a single word.
The last part surprised me because in general I don’t think of heard of considering whether other people make you “feel more calm and grounded [vs] unhappy and defensive” as an insight into whether those others are psychologically well. What is the theory of the connection there?
emotions are somewhat contagious. someone who is very at peace will also make people around them at peace. someone who is unhappy will make people around them unhappy. someone who wants to help people out of a deep love for all people will make those around them feel differently than someone who wants to help people as a way to affirm their own superiority.
Thank you, this fits my model, although I have never put it in words this way. Now I’d say that some people just profess being healthy, while others are healthy. (Maybe even: “if you need to tell others that you are emotionally healthy, you are probably not”. With some caveats, e.g. if they explicitly asked you, and you answered.)
Uhm, a third option, what if they found a coping mechanism? Not the same as not having the problem at all, but also not the same as suffering helplessly. There will be some inflexibility, but the benefits are real.
And of course all of this is on a scale.