Hmm. I kind of understand, but I think this is a bit weak of a response in many cases. It’s not a “hesitation reaction”, it’s an actual decision not to respond. More importantly, you’re framing it as “this is my reaction and I own it”, but you’re also recommending that the recipient think about and make some changes. That contradiction removes 95% of the value of this post. Be firmer—your comment was unhelpful to me in the current context, and I’m not planning to respond unless you clarify or refocus it.
Or maybe I fully misunderstand what you’re trying to convey. I’ll laugh a lot if you link this post as your reply to this comment (but I probably won’t try again).
Your reply doesn’t provoke my HR :) It conveys enough effort to frame your own thoughts, and enough generosity and warmth, that I feel engaged to reply.
It’s not a “hesitation reaction”, it’s an actual decision not to respond.
This is my main point of disagreement. There are two main areas where I expect that linking this post will lead to better outcomes than I’m experiencing currently.
First, it’s a better alternative to literally leaving no response at all. I also expect it will be more informative and less hurtful than silently downvoting.
Second, it’s a better alternative to responding in a curmugeonly or defensive manner. I suspect that when I press on with debate despite this HR, it affects the way I carry on a conversation. I think it leads to frustrating, time-consuming, energy-sapping, relationship-degrading conversations that I feel bad about after. Instead of barrelling on ahead, I can link to this, see if they ‘get it’, and we can both figure out how to reorient.
More importantly, you’re framing it as “this is my reaction and I own it”, but you’re also recommending that the recipient think about and make some changes. That contradiction removes 95% of the value of this post.
Some people will probably agree with you on this, and for that cohort, linking to this post probably won’t be helpful, as you say. This post is written for everybody else ;D
Be firmer—your comment was unhelpful to me in the current context, and I’m not planning to respond unless you clarify or refocus it.
I’ve tried this, but in my experience, firmness is better for banishing trolls, not for promoting a rejuvenation of conversation. End of the day, there’s an element of personal style or aesthetic to this post, and it reflects an approach to navigating conflict that suits me. To each their own!
More importantly, you’re framing it as “this is my reaction and I own it”, but you’re also recommending that the recipient think about and make some changes. That contradiction removes 95% of the value of this post.
Some people will probably agree with you on this, and for that cohort, linking to this post probably won’t be helpful, as you say. This post is written for everybody else ;D
But that’s the most interesting cohort your not aiming for!
The rest of the stuff on LW nowadays is too mixed up in tedious signalling games, either intentionally or being hard to distinguish, to be of much value.
Hmm. I kind of understand, but I think this is a bit weak of a response in many cases. It’s not a “hesitation reaction”, it’s an actual decision not to respond. More importantly, you’re framing it as “this is my reaction and I own it”, but you’re also recommending that the recipient think about and make some changes. That contradiction removes 95% of the value of this post. Be firmer—your comment was unhelpful to me in the current context, and I’m not planning to respond unless you clarify or refocus it.
Or maybe I fully misunderstand what you’re trying to convey. I’ll laugh a lot if you link this post as your reply to this comment (but I probably won’t try again).
Your reply doesn’t provoke my HR :) It conveys enough effort to frame your own thoughts, and enough generosity and warmth, that I feel engaged to reply.
This is my main point of disagreement. There are two main areas where I expect that linking this post will lead to better outcomes than I’m experiencing currently.
First, it’s a better alternative to literally leaving no response at all. I also expect it will be more informative and less hurtful than silently downvoting.
Second, it’s a better alternative to responding in a curmugeonly or defensive manner. I suspect that when I press on with debate despite this HR, it affects the way I carry on a conversation. I think it leads to frustrating, time-consuming, energy-sapping, relationship-degrading conversations that I feel bad about after. Instead of barrelling on ahead, I can link to this, see if they ‘get it’, and we can both figure out how to reorient.
Some people will probably agree with you on this, and for that cohort, linking to this post probably won’t be helpful, as you say. This post is written for everybody else ;D
I’ve tried this, but in my experience, firmness is better for banishing trolls, not for promoting a rejuvenation of conversation. End of the day, there’s an element of personal style or aesthetic to this post, and it reflects an approach to navigating conflict that suits me. To each their own!
But that’s the most interesting cohort your not aiming for!
The rest of the stuff on LW nowadays is too mixed up in tedious signalling games, either intentionally or being hard to distinguish, to be of much value.