Sociologists think there are three conditions necessary for making friends: proximity; repeated, unplanned interactions; and a setting that encourages people to let their guard down and confide in each other.
To me these sound more like conditions for making acquaintances, which leads to exactly the emptiness you describe. A true friend isn’t just someone you spend time with, it’s someone who won’t betray you. Maybe true friendship requires going through some hardship together, learning from experience that the other person won’t betray you. And maybe there’s even a startup idea about setting up such experiences :-)
I see “friendship” as basically requiring both. Someone recently asked me “how do people become friends” and I said: “Step one: have lots of sporadic, unplanned opportunities to bump into each other and figure out if you like each other in low stakes situations. Step two: go to Mordor together.”
I think the key here is “making friends”. Those conditions merely give you the opportunity to create and grow relationships. Sure, roommates and coworkers are not all going to become friends but a lot of friends come from roommates and coworkers.
To me these sound more like conditions for making acquaintances, which leads to exactly the emptiness you describe. A true friend isn’t just someone you spend time with, it’s someone who won’t betray you. Maybe true friendship requires going through some hardship together, learning from experience that the other person won’t betray you. And maybe there’s even a startup idea about setting up such experiences :-)
But community isn’t about friends; it’s about a background level of acquaintances you’re comfortable with.
I see “friendship” as basically requiring both. Someone recently asked me “how do people become friends” and I said: “Step one: have lots of sporadic, unplanned opportunities to bump into each other and figure out if you like each other in low stakes situations. Step two: go to Mordor together.”
I think the key here is “making friends”. Those conditions merely give you the opportunity to create and grow relationships. Sure, roommates and coworkers are not all going to become friends but a lot of friends come from roommates and coworkers.
Interesting points. However, consider the possibility that your perspective on this is colored by the fact that you are from Russia :P