A year into my experiment, I’m glad to finally report some success: I asked a girl out and she said yes and we had a very nice time together ending in my first real sexual intimacy. I tried to see her again, and she was enthusiastic about the prospect for a week or so, but things cooled after that. I think she moved on.
For a long time before this I had to seriously consider some scary hypotheses about myself, many along the lines of “you are so X that you’ll never Y.” I’ve updated all of those downward. But as far as the actual date went, I don’t think my changes of the last two months had much to do with it. In the honesty of calm retrospection, no theory fits as well as “we both wanted to,” i.e. “I got lucky,” i.e. I don’t actually know exactly what works and what doesn’t, yet.
However
A year ago, I wouldn’t even have been in a position to have this kind of good fortune. And even if, say, half the effort was hers, well, the other half came from somewhere, along with a bunch of nontrivial skills that took practice & research & reflection to build. I could name a dozen ways that the night would have sucked if it happened to wmorgan_2010. But it was actually awesome, and while I can already feel myself climbing back on the hedonic treadmill, for now I’m very very happy to have finally completed level three. Next subgoal is to do it again.
One thing that made a huge difference for me: record yourself when talking to strangers and listen to it afterwards. Unbelievable how much insight I got and awareness of my own clumsiness/mistakes once I listened to myself talking. The way I do it is I carry a small digital recorder under my shirt and just press record before I start talking.
Why did that get voted down? juliawise is right. Also, I’m not a very socially ept person either, so I’d hate it if someone were to record me that way.
Dating. Progress from June, February, December, October.
A year into my experiment, I’m glad to finally report some success: I asked a girl out and she said yes and we had a very nice time together ending in my first real sexual intimacy. I tried to see her again, and she was enthusiastic about the prospect for a week or so, but things cooled after that. I think she moved on.
For a long time before this I had to seriously consider some scary hypotheses about myself, many along the lines of “you are so X that you’ll never Y.” I’ve updated all of those downward. But as far as the actual date went, I don’t think my changes of the last two months had much to do with it. In the honesty of calm retrospection, no theory fits as well as “we both wanted to,” i.e. “I got lucky,” i.e. I don’t actually know exactly what works and what doesn’t, yet.
However
A year ago, I wouldn’t even have been in a position to have this kind of good fortune. And even if, say, half the effort was hers, well, the other half came from somewhere, along with a bunch of nontrivial skills that took practice & research & reflection to build. I could name a dozen ways that the night would have sucked if it happened to wmorgan_2010. But it was actually awesome, and while I can already feel myself climbing back on the hedonic treadmill, for now I’m very very happy to have finally completed level three. Next subgoal is to do it again.
One thing that made a huge difference for me: record yourself when talking to strangers and listen to it afterwards. Unbelievable how much insight I got and awareness of my own clumsiness/mistakes once I listened to myself talking. The way I do it is I carry a small digital recorder under my shirt and just press record before I start talking.
this sounds terrifying.
which probably means it’s a really good idea.
When deciding to do this, you should take into account that it may be illegal, depending on whether you’re in a public space and what state you’re in.
Why did that get voted down? juliawise is right. Also, I’m not a very socially ept person either, so I’d hate it if someone were to record me that way.