I ended up having thoughts here that grew beyond the context (how to think about this feels related to how to think about depleted willpower). Wrote a shortform post.
My current best guess is that you’d get the best results (measured roughly “useful ideas generated and non-useful ideas pruned”) from a collection of norms where
a) people need to take responsibility for their own feelings of fear, and there is help/guidelines on how to go about that if you’re not very good at it yet, and
b) people also take responsibility for learning to the social and writing skills to avoid particularly obvious failure modes.
i.e. “I’m feeling defensive” shouldn’t be a get out of jail free card. (in particular, any request that someone change their communication behavior should come with a corresponding costly signal that you are working on improving your ability to listen while triggered)
And while I think I’ve believed this for a couple weeks, I don’t think I was doing the work to actually embody it, and I think that’s been a mistake I’ve been making.
I ended up having thoughts here that grew beyond the context (how to think about this feels related to how to think about depleted willpower). Wrote a shortform post.
My current best guess is that you’d get the best results (measured roughly “useful ideas generated and non-useful ideas pruned”) from a collection of norms where
a) people need to take responsibility for their own feelings of fear, and there is help/guidelines on how to go about that if you’re not very good at it yet, and
b) people also take responsibility for learning to the social and writing skills to avoid particularly obvious failure modes.
i.e. “I’m feeling defensive” shouldn’t be a get out of jail free card. (in particular, any request that someone change their communication behavior should come with a corresponding costly signal that you are working on improving your ability to listen while triggered)
And while I think I’ve believed this for a couple weeks, I don’t think I was doing the work to actually embody it, and I think that’s been a mistake I’ve been making.
I’m holding the frame you wrote on your shortform feed re defensiveness for a bit to see how I feel about it.