To be fair, I was exaggerating when I used the phrase at war. I basically like people. I’ve always, in many ways, liked the participants. And, in many ways, I have not liked them. Not due to anything about them, but a sort of.. invisible structure I felt? Like a pressure that would ask me to hold myself in a particular way. And so in the past, I was in the workshop as an avatar of the entity CFAR, and an avatar of Holding the Cool Skills, and that invited in a lot of masking which blocked genuine connection. I used to spend as much time hiding outside of classes as possible. But at this most recent workshop there was an immediately apparent and distinct quality that I felt of.. I’m not trying to sell anything. I don’t need to be in any way. In the absence of pressure, then it was so easy to be around participants and like them — and some of this is personal growthy stuff, my social anxiety has gone down etc etc, but I believe there’s a bigger change in how CFAR is inviting staff and inviting participants that made for an even more wholesome and friendly environment.
FWIW I think it’s pretty common for organizers of an event to feel exhausted and beleaguered by the attendees. It’s pretty tiring and they make tons of requests and sometimes they act kind of counter to the spirit of the event.
I find it sad to read and did not expect that Jack always felt at war and did not like previous participants.
To be fair, I was exaggerating when I used the phrase at war. I basically like people. I’ve always, in many ways, liked the participants. And, in many ways, I have not liked them. Not due to anything about them, but a sort of.. invisible structure I felt? Like a pressure that would ask me to hold myself in a particular way. And so in the past, I was in the workshop as an avatar of the entity CFAR, and an avatar of Holding the Cool Skills, and that invited in a lot of masking which blocked genuine connection. I used to spend as much time hiding outside of classes as possible. But at this most recent workshop there was an immediately apparent and distinct quality that I felt of.. I’m not trying to sell anything. I don’t need to be in any way. In the absence of pressure, then it was so easy to be around participants and like them — and some of this is personal growthy stuff, my social anxiety has gone down etc etc, but I believe there’s a bigger change in how CFAR is inviting staff and inviting participants that made for an even more wholesome and friendly environment.
FWIW I think it’s pretty common for organizers of an event to feel exhausted and beleaguered by the attendees. It’s pretty tiring and they make tons of requests and sometimes they act kind of counter to the spirit of the event.
Maybe, but that does not seem to be what @jackjack meant, though I am not sure whether I understand what he means, and why it’s different now.