To be fair, I was exaggerating when I used the phrase at war. I basically like people. I’ve always, in many ways, liked the participants. And, in many ways, I have not liked them. Not due to anything about them, but a sort of.. invisible structure I felt? Like a pressure that would ask me to hold myself in a particular way. And so in the past, I was in the workshop as an avatar of the entity CFAR, and an avatar of Holding the Cool Skills, and that invited in a lot of masking which blocked genuine connection. I used to spend as much time hiding outside of classes as possible. But at this most recent workshop there was an immediately apparent and distinct quality that I felt of.. I’m not trying to sell anything. I don’t need to be in any way. In the absence of pressure, then it was so easy to be around participants and like them — and some of this is personal growthy stuff, my social anxiety has gone down etc etc, but I believe there’s a bigger change in how CFAR is inviting staff and inviting participants that made for an even more wholesome and friendly environment.
To be fair, I was exaggerating when I used the phrase at war. I basically like people. I’ve always, in many ways, liked the participants. And, in many ways, I have not liked them. Not due to anything about them, but a sort of.. invisible structure I felt? Like a pressure that would ask me to hold myself in a particular way. And so in the past, I was in the workshop as an avatar of the entity CFAR, and an avatar of Holding the Cool Skills, and that invited in a lot of masking which blocked genuine connection. I used to spend as much time hiding outside of classes as possible. But at this most recent workshop there was an immediately apparent and distinct quality that I felt of.. I’m not trying to sell anything. I don’t need to be in any way. In the absence of pressure, then it was so easy to be around participants and like them — and some of this is personal growthy stuff, my social anxiety has gone down etc etc, but I believe there’s a bigger change in how CFAR is inviting staff and inviting participants that made for an even more wholesome and friendly environment.