I love 6 and 8 in the other category. So good~
This is a buffer.
Buy a safe, put in safe, dig deep hole, put safe in hole.
2. Keep it on your person for fifty years, and travel constantly.
3. Convince companies to mass-manufacture model of pen, and then hid it in warehouse full of same model.
4. Build time machine and entangle the pen’s existence with time period of Einstein’s miracle papers a la HPMOR.
5. Ship it by train, then when it arrives at a destination, have it be shipped from that place to a new, random location. Repeat.
6. Join an aboriginal tribe out-of-contact with the rest of the world and keep the pen with you until fifty years pass.
7. Time travel Albert Einstein back in time so that he writes series of miracle papers now instead of then. Create extravagant mock setup for him to live in while in the wrong time period.
8. Launch it into the stratosphere in a weather balloon that will drift around the sky for a while.
9. Have it be apparently publicly destroyed, in a way that convinces the evil forces that the pen was destroyed, when in reality, it was just a fake that was destroyed.
10. Kill the evil forces with your military might. Or maybe vigilante might.
11. Discover glitch in simulation that allows you to make infinite copies of the pen.
12. Convince government that you are from future and have them protect pen.
13. Fake the deaths of Albert Einstein’s parents/grandparents.
14. Plant evidence of terrorism in evil forces so that governments attack them.
15. Hire someone to take pen from you, and then hide it for you. Then let yourself be captured with fake pen.
16. Drop pen in river and use divination to make sure that it returns to you safely.
17. Threaten family of evil forces.
18. Leave pen in your grandmother’s flower vase in hospital.
19. Hide it in camouflaged tent in forest.
20. Make many large pens and place them around the world, then hide pen in random place like mountainside.
21. Send pen to space and have it hover in earth’s detritus field that isn’t there yet.
22. Ransom fake pen to evil forces and then it explodes, while you still have real pen.
23. Destroy all information of pen in evil force’s lair, convince them that there was no pen in the first place.
24. Destroy that earth, and then travel to alternate earth where there aren’t any evil forces and give pen to Einstein later.
25. Atomically disassemble pen and then reassemble when 1905.
26. Destroy pen and make albert einstein brain-model that models albert einstein having the pen in 1905. Use that instead of original.
27. Cover pen in mountain of shit, and make many mountains of shit.
28. Make the pen giant and put it on top of the whitehouse, turn it into national monument so that gov has to defend it.
29. Go back in time and kill parents of evil forces.
30. Hide pen as exhibit in museum.
31. Grow a test tube animal around the pen, and then kill animal and take pen out when 1905.
32. Convince evil forces that info is wrong, and that some other pen is the one they’re looking for, and that it’s a different guy who has the pen.
33. Make ai that optimizes for making pen.
34. Hide it in various dumps.
35. Smuggle into other country and start new life.
36. Send Evil forces into bankruptcy.
37. Cryogenically freeze yourself with pen under clone’s supervision.
38. Make pen factory, and then become so successful with pen making that everyone has same model.
39. Tell evil forces that you destroyed pen already.
40. Hide it in nature preserve.
41. Find other important item that evil forces want to get their hands on and offer information about the guy hiding that. (Think the microphone that MLK used during his speeches, or something similar.) //really bad idea lol since it incentivizes people in similar situations to yours to rat you out
42. Turn it into an anime character, make baby anime pens with it, turn babies into pens for einstein.
43. Send it out of universe via teleportation.
44. Start a cult of worship for the pen and gather sponsers to safeguard it.
45. Give pen to Haruhi suzumiya and she will make sure nothing happens to it.
46. Provoke aliens to safeguard it.
47. Graft it to your body, and then make yourself member of evil forces group.
48. Put in giant box of steel in middle of germany and then when time comes get gov to get it out.
49. Start wars in countries where evil forces are.
50. Use pen to kill one or two of evil force’s forces and use intimidation to get them to give up.
Done in 55 minutes? I had to redo one because I realized it was a copy. I also feel like I went a little too hard on the… surrealism(?) of my answers? I kind of thought to many answers of the form “Hide it in a volcano, hide it in the ocean, hide it in the marianas trench, hide it in a whale’s body” seemed too same-y, but now that seems silly to me.
That was fun.