This is where the martial arts analogy shows some of it’s power.
I do Aikido. My dojo enjoys a nice diversity of genders, ages, and body types. We don’t all practice the same; our styles are as diverse as our backgrounds.
However, it’s not a free-for-all. Some people in the dojo are clearly better at this than others, and people find others to look up to, people to follow. And there is a very strong agreement on who the best people in the dojo are.
This strong agreement comes from the fact that Aikido is a martial art, and we train with each other. On a regular basis we throw each other around and this constant interaction is how we learn from each other.
So while my Aikido is probably a bit more male, I learn from the women every time I practice with them, and I can point to parts of my practice that are more feminine and even tell you which women I learned those bits from. And the converse for the women I practice with.
It’s okay for a teacher or leader to express their identity in the practice of the art. It is up to the student to integrate that style into their own practice. This requires judgment, so we usually tell beginners “Don’t try to interpret just yet. Just mimic Sensei as closely as you can. You’ll branch out and improvise later”. This is a common teaching in many practices, I think.
So then, ideal is a diversity of teachers, so students can see a diversity of styles, and integrate them into something suitable to them.
Basically it comes down to a measure of the degree to which the other person cares about what you are saying. What Eliezer puts as “sticking his neck out”, I would describe more specifically as “listening carefully to the other person”. In this way I would connect ‘logical rudeness’ with plain old manners.
To put it another way, while the person is talking, are you thinking about what they are saying, or preparing your response? I try to be generous in this way, and most of the people in my life respond well to it. But then I’m choosy about who I spend time with.
It works best with my wife. We’ve been communicating this way for years and years now, and it’s just a wonderful experience to have a conversation in which both people are giving the other exclusive attention.
The other thing my wife and I do really well is give each other space to think. When we’re done talking we stop talking and wait for the other person to have their say. Since she was paying careful attention while I was talking, she might not have something to say right away. So we have to give each other that time. Not many people are comfortable with silence.
In the old days we used to use ice cream as an inverse semaphore; the listener held the pint and the spoon, and ate and listened while the talker talked. Then the talker took the ice cream and had to shut up until the other person asked for it.