:::::::::: Many people do think of BDSM as a sexual perversion. I didn’t invent this reality; I just live here. ::::::::::
This answer strikes me as a bit facile. Sure, lots of people think of BDSM as a sexual perversion. Lots of people also consider it a sexual preference. You chose to use words that stigmatize BDSM, and you chose not to present words that don’t stigmatize BDSM. You could have made the same point without using stigmatizing words. Stating that you have no opinion after the fact is an attempt to dodge responsibility for that.
The way we frame these things matters. I wouldn’t have such a problem with what you said if you had at least noted the judgment inherent in the terms you used—but you didn’t. For instance, if you really have no negative judgments around BDSM, then you might have said something like: “Many people think of masochism as a sexual perversion, while others see it as a harmless sexual preference.”
:::::::::: That’s probably more sympathetic to your view than anything you’ll find in mainstream media, or even in psychology journals. ::::::::::
Like those of people, the opinions presented in mainstream media and psychology journals vary. As it happens, I will be speaking at a psychology conference in May that’s specifically intended to train psychology professionals in being more sensitive to BDSM-identified patients. (The conference will take place at Chicago’s Center on Halsted.)
And again, by claiming that you’ve been more sympathetic to my opinions than “other” forms of media, you’re trying to dodge responsibility for the fact that you presented a plainly judgmental viewpoint.
:::::::::: If that means that you resent discussion of the idea, this website isn’t right for you. We discuss things that make us uncomfortable, because we want to know the answer. ::::::::::
Discuss the idea all you want. Just know, while you’re “examining”, that there are real people who have real masochistic needs whom you may really be stigmatizing with what you say. And the idea that you must “examine” this need in itself can be stigmatizing.
Perhaps I can illustrate this with an example: Would you even consider “examining” why gay people are gay? Why straight people are straight? I don’t know this site very well. Maybe you would discuss those questions. But if you wouldn’t, then perhaps it might be worth asking yourself why you think it’s worth examining masochism and wondering what “causes” it, when you don’t ask similar questions about straightness or LGBTQ or what have you.
For more on this, I recommend this post: [ http://sm-feminist.blogspot.com/2009/03/examination-burnout.html ]
:::::::::: Could you post some links to specific pages discussing theories? ::::::::::
I can try; I don’t have a lot of time to hunt down specific posts, but I’ve read a lot on this topic and I might be able to come up with something. It would be helpful if you could ask a more specific question, though.
It’s probably obvious that my personal favorite BDSM theory blog is SM-Feminist: [ http://sm-feminist.blogspot.com/ ]
But I don’t think she has much truck with evol-psych, either, though I could be wrong.
Hi. I’m Clarisse Thorn, a BDSM educator and activist. I blog at [ http://clarissethorn.wordpress.com/ ]. Props to Michael Bishop for directing me to your post.
Wow, where to begin. I’ll try not to get too upset, but for me, this was a really bad start to your post:
::::::::::: Many people think of masochism as a sexual perversion :::::::::::
Why did you start right out by referring to BDSM as a “sexual perversion”? Couldn’t you have chosen some less judgmental words? Seriously, it would have been so easy. You could have just said “sexual preference”. Instead, you chose to use language loaded with stigma.
::::::::::: When we find ourselves acting masochistically, should we try to “correct” it? :::::::::::
Amazingly, people are different and do things for different reasons. I assume you agree. Perhaps this means that if people find themselves acting masochistically, they should take different actions depending on their individual personalities.
I don’t have much to say about non-sexual masochism, but I have a lot to say about sexual masochism ….
Many people see BDSM as an inbuilt sexual identity or “orientation”. In that case, “correcting masochism” would be like trying to “pray away the gay”—it ain’t gonna happen, and you’re just going to damage people if you assert that it should. I absolutely, definitely consider myself to have BDSM “built in”, and I resent any implication that it would ever be reasonable to tell me that I “shouldn’t” do BDSM.
I do think that some people use masochism for self-harm that may be bad for them. And yes, sometimes even BDSM-masochism can be a self-harming mechanism … but before someone goes there—no, that is not an argument against BDSM in itself. If you think that BDSM-type masochism should be argued against because it can be a form of self-harm, then I request that you read this excellent post: [ http://sm-feminist.blogspot.com/2008/11/finer-point-on-it.html ]
::::::::::: If so, what’s the evolutionary-psych explanation? :::::::::::
Well, I am of the camp that thinks evolutionary psychology almost always ends up being an excuse to create legit-sounding theories that back up what we think we already know. In other words, I think it’s usually used as an instrument to reinforce current social norms.
But since I know you will discuss it anyway, I request that you examine your assumptions very thoroughly as you do so. You might consider being particularly critical of evol-psych theories that imply that:
1) masochism is always maladaptive,
2) sexual masochism is a particularly “bad” form of masochism,
3) women are more likely to be masochistic than men.
::::::::::: Is masochism more prevalent now than in the bad old days? :::::::::::
I doubt it. If you start seriously investigating the history of BDSM, for instance, you find examples that show how it’s been around since the beginning of time. If you are interested in BDSM history, I recommend this excellent blog: [ http://beautyindarkness.blog.ca/ ]
::::::::::: I was surprised not to find any evo-psych explanations for masochism on the web; or even any general theory of masochism that tried to unite two different behaviors :::::::::::
Really? Where are you reading? Check out my blogroll for any number of excellent BDSM blogs that will provide any number of excellent BDSM theories from any number of angles.