Re: responding to negative feedback, I agree with your points and suggestions—I wish I could always phrase my questions in this way. However, I sometimes find that I receive feedback from superiors at work who would definitely be offended by the wording of the responses (i.e. immediately interpret them as smart-assery or passive aggression, largely because this form of clear communication isn’t a cultural norm in most corporate spaces, and professional dominance hierarchies unfortunately appear to influence the degree of earnest truth-seeking one is “allowed” to pursue in conversation). Is there a way to ask these in a different way, such that I can elicit reasonable and good-faith reactions from people with big egos?
I’d think that in this scenario the best thing to do might be to simply wait it out and ask them about it at a time that they are in less of a dominant mode. That is, maybe the next day during lunch. And then ask them, still socratically, in a way that respects their authority. So perhaps: “Hey. About the feedback I got yesterday, I’ve been looking to really understand it better so I can improve more. I’ve really been thinking about what I could and should have done, and why. Would you like to discuss it with me briefly?”
Absolutely not a professional in regards to being a good communicator, but reasoning logically, I thought that this strategy might work since it aims to avoid direct contact after the feedback (which otherwise might trigger the sentiment that you are being defensive) and also clearly shows that we value their authority and opinion, since that is why we approached them after all, thus avoiding an attack at their ego. These two together might set up the conversation in a frame in which the other party is more open to truth seeking discussion.
Re: responding to negative feedback, I agree with your points and suggestions—I wish I could always phrase my questions in this way. However, I sometimes find that I receive feedback from superiors at work who would definitely be offended by the wording of the responses (i.e. immediately interpret them as smart-assery or passive aggression, largely because this form of clear communication isn’t a cultural norm in most corporate spaces, and professional dominance hierarchies unfortunately appear to influence the degree of earnest truth-seeking one is “allowed” to pursue in conversation). Is there a way to ask these in a different way, such that I can elicit reasonable and good-faith reactions from people with big egos?
That’s a hard one, I definitely wouldn’t try strategies like this on someone touchy with a big ego. I’m not sure I have great advice here
I’d think that in this scenario the best thing to do might be to simply wait it out and ask them about it at a time that they are in less of a dominant mode. That is, maybe the next day during lunch. And then ask them, still socratically, in a way that respects their authority. So perhaps: “Hey. About the feedback I got yesterday, I’ve been looking to really understand it better so I can improve more. I’ve really been thinking about what I could and should have done, and why. Would you like to discuss it with me briefly?”
Absolutely not a professional in regards to being a good communicator, but reasoning logically, I thought that this strategy might work since it aims to avoid direct contact after the feedback (which otherwise might trigger the sentiment that you are being defensive) and also clearly shows that we value their authority and opinion, since that is why we approached them after all, thus avoiding an attack at their ego. These two together might set up the conversation in a frame in which the other party is more open to truth seeking discussion.