I define “real love” as the state of valuing another’s quality of life more than your own quality of life.
I think this is a weird definition. As far as I can tell, “love” is an actual emotion. If you knew about hormones and endorphins and stuff you could probably measure it. Defining it in terms of someone’s utility function misses that. Besides, it doesn’t seem uncommon at all to value other people’s quality of life more than your own. Doesn’t this happen every time someone sacrifices something for the sake of politeness?
Valuing someone else more than yourself is problematic, as in “you have problems”; see Peter Breggin’s discussion in The Psychology of Freedom. A better way of putting what I think you are trying to say is from Heinlein, “where the other person’s happiness is essential to your own” (paraphrase from multiple sources, especially Stranger and Time Enough for Love).
And further, it may be that the cost of the sacrifice is much, much smaller than the gain to the other person. To say that I value my quality of life more highly than yours is not to say I place no value on yours at all.
What people call emotions, I would say are actually two things, “feelings” and “attitudes.” The emotion of feeling or being sad causes a kinesthetic experience. The attitude of being or something making you sad causes you to avoid that thing, and to avoid that thing from happening.
The feeling of love is a warm kinesthetic experience. The attitude of love is at least a degree of what the OP was talking about.
Remember, thoughts happen on a chemical level, too. Our brains are made out of matter
I think this is a weird definition. As far as I can tell, “love” is an actual emotion. If you knew about hormones and endorphins and stuff you could probably measure it. Defining it in terms of someone’s utility function misses that. Besides, it doesn’t seem uncommon at all to value other people’s quality of life more than your own. Doesn’t this happen every time someone sacrifices something for the sake of politeness?
Valuing someone else more than yourself is problematic, as in “you have problems”; see Peter Breggin’s discussion in The Psychology of Freedom. A better way of putting what I think you are trying to say is from Heinlein, “where the other person’s happiness is essential to your own” (paraphrase from multiple sources, especially Stranger and Time Enough for Love).
Not if they believe that the costs to them of being impolite in that instance would be higher than the cost of sacrificing whatever it was.
And further, it may be that the cost of the sacrifice is much, much smaller than the gain to the other person. To say that I value my quality of life more highly than yours is not to say I place no value on yours at all.
What people call emotions, I would say are actually two things, “feelings” and “attitudes.” The emotion of feeling or being sad causes a kinesthetic experience. The attitude of being or something making you sad causes you to avoid that thing, and to avoid that thing from happening.
The feeling of love is a warm kinesthetic experience. The attitude of love is at least a degree of what the OP was talking about.
Remember, thoughts happen on a chemical level, too. Our brains are made out of matter