I think a lot of people automatically connect empathic-kindness to a ‘this is fine’ stance, I see a lot of it in how people phrase things in the comments of this post, and I notice it in myself because I, well, empathize with John because I have similar feelings at times even if seemingly not as strong.
So, it can feel risky to get rid of that, because in a way it is part of how I keep my standards up. That I desire/require more from people, that I dream for both myself and them to be better, and some amount of disquiet or even disgust is a useful tool there. I’m still polite, but it serves as a fuel.
It is certainly possible to get around without that. However I look at various people I respect that have high standards and they seem to have some degree of this though perhaps they don’t conceptualize it as related to empathy, and then I look at others who I do see lowering their standards and being more wishy-washy over time due to pure ~positive-tinged empathy.
Sadness at their faltering is a more passive drive in a lot of ways, disgust helps both in pushing oneself to improve and also in my experience with convincing friends of mine to try for more. Though, of course, I am going to be helpful and friendly even as I find their faltering disquieting.
So it feels like to deliberately switch in such a way risks part of the mind that maintains its own standards.
I think a lot of people automatically connect empathic-kindness to a ‘this is fine’ stance, I see a lot of it in how people phrase things in the comments of this post, and I notice it in myself because I, well, empathize with John because I have similar feelings at times even if seemingly not as strong.
So, it can feel risky to get rid of that, because in a way it is part of how I keep my standards up. That I desire/require more from people, that I dream for both myself and them to be better, and some amount of disquiet or even disgust is a useful tool there. I’m still polite, but it serves as a fuel.
It is certainly possible to get around without that. However I look at various people I respect that have high standards and they seem to have some degree of this though perhaps they don’t conceptualize it as related to empathy, and then I look at others who I do see lowering their standards and being more wishy-washy over time due to pure ~positive-tinged empathy. Sadness at their faltering is a more passive drive in a lot of ways, disgust helps both in pushing oneself to improve and also in my experience with convincing friends of mine to try for more. Though, of course, I am going to be helpful and friendly even as I find their faltering disquieting. So it feels like to deliberately switch in such a way risks part of the mind that maintains its own standards.