I think your conclusion is right but the mechanism is different.
“offending a whole polycule” isn’t really a thing. Lots of people don’t care about their partners’ partners’ opinions, and care a great deal about their friends’ opinions. So poly is a wash here (although the part where a bad impression on one person can spread is real).
I think the place where poly really matters is that it means there’s never an end to hitting on people. A friend who went from poly to mono says one of the best parts is how much it simplifies his relationship with women- they don’t have to worry he’s hitting on them, he doesn’t have to worry they’ll think he’s hitting on them or how his actions affect will affect the success of hitting on them. (Some) poly people never get to that stage, and even for poly-saturated people it’s not as absent as it is for the monogamous.
A friend and I have joked that the rule should be you only get to have one partner within EA/rationality but can have additional partners outside it, to balance “romance is an important human drive and this community is by far the best place for me to fulfill it” with “me dating within this community is costly to it”.
I think your conclusion is right but the mechanism is different.
“offending a whole polycule” isn’t really a thing. Lots of people don’t care about their partners’ partners’ opinions, and care a great deal about their friends’ opinions. So poly is a wash here (although the part where a bad impression on one person can spread is real).
I think the place where poly really matters is that it means there’s never an end to hitting on people. A friend who went from poly to mono says one of the best parts is how much it simplifies his relationship with women- they don’t have to worry he’s hitting on them, he doesn’t have to worry they’ll think he’s hitting on them or how his actions affect will affect the success of hitting on them. (Some) poly people never get to that stage, and even for poly-saturated people it’s not as absent as it is for the monogamous.
A friend and I have joked that the rule should be you only get to have one partner within EA/rationality but can have additional partners outside it, to balance “romance is an important human drive and this community is by far the best place for me to fulfill it” with “me dating within this community is costly to it”.