For example, if you have a “shy person” identity, then going to parties or starting conversations with strangers can generate counterexamples for that identity, and help to displace it with a new one of “sociable person”. Costly signaling can be used to achieve this—for example, joining a public speaking club.
Often time doing signaling isn’t that important. It might be better to get out pen and paper and write down counterexamples whenever they come up.
Writing down counterexamples is a great idea for making them more salient. Costly signaling can also be very effective for convincing yourself, though.
Costly signaling can also be very effective for convincing yourself, though.
If you have to prove that you are something, than you are doubting at some level.
There was a time where I spent a lot of effort into signaling that I’m confident. I think I’m now more confident where I don’t do things to prove to myself that I’m confident.
It’s one way to the peak but not the only one. You can also do the work with pen and paper and analyse your thoughts via the CBT described in the Feeling Good Handbook. You can sit down and meditate till you are in control of your own state of mind. There are many ways. I personally think that I didn’t do enough of the pen and paper stuff.
Countersignaling is also not the main point. If you are bent on proving that you are confident you don’t have the flexibility to play the game a level higher than everyone around you because you moves are intended to be showy.
Can you give an example of self-signalling getting in the way of achieving your goals? Your confidence example could also have the causality going the other way, where you don’t do things to prove to yourself that you’re confident because you’re already confident.
I’m also confused what you mean by “playing the game a level higher than everyone around you” in this context. We were talking about signalling to yourself, not to others.
If I play the game a level higher than another person than I think through the tree of possibilities and pick the node with the highest payoff, whether or not the behavior in that node looks like something that a confident person would do. If I reduce my space of possible choices to those choices that signal confidence to myself I’m less flexible to adept myself to the situation.
The same goes for proving to yourself that you are intelligent, that you are a worthy human being, that you are normal, that you are rational, that you are contrarian or even that you exist.
If you spent energy on proving those things to yourself you are constraining the field of possibilities for your actions.
Your confidence example could also have the causality going the other way, where you don’t do things to prove to yourself that you’re confident because you’re already confident.
If you would tell me: “Look there an attractive woman and she looks over to you in a way that indicates she’s attracted to you, go and tell her she’s beautiful and ask her for a date.”, I couldn’t do it even if I agree with your reading of the situation.
My confidence has limits and there are behaviors that are outside of my sphere of actions.
I have a friend who I have seen telling a woman: “You’re too sexy, talking to you would just distract me, so get away from me.” and he meant it 100% and didn’t interact any further with her. Behavior like that is completely out of the sphere of my actions.
I can practice my dancing turns while waiting for public transportation without caring at all for whether someone who watches me will watch me as strange and I don’t do it to prove to myself that I can do it but simply because I want to practice my turns at a particular moment in time and have a few minutes to fill till the train comes.
A month ago I was in a situation where I felt inconfident and I just told myself. No need to fight it or pretend that it isn’t there or to hide it. Just allow it to express itself and move on.
If people see that I’m inconfident and that I’m vulnerable that’s okay.
Often time doing signaling isn’t that important. It might be better to get out pen and paper and write down counterexamples whenever they come up.
Writing down counterexamples is a great idea for making them more salient. Costly signaling can also be very effective for convincing yourself, though.
If you have to prove that you are something, than you are doubting at some level.
There was a time where I spent a lot of effort into signaling that I’m confident. I think I’m now more confident where I don’t do things to prove to myself that I’m confident.
To reach the Peaks of Countersignalling, one must first climb the Hills of Signalling.
It’s one way to the peak but not the only one. You can also do the work with pen and paper and analyse your thoughts via the CBT described in the Feeling Good Handbook. You can sit down and meditate till you are in control of your own state of mind. There are many ways. I personally think that I didn’t do enough of the pen and paper stuff.
Countersignaling is also not the main point. If you are bent on proving that you are confident you don’t have the flexibility to play the game a level higher than everyone around you because you moves are intended to be showy.
Can you give an example of self-signalling getting in the way of achieving your goals? Your confidence example could also have the causality going the other way, where you don’t do things to prove to yourself that you’re confident because you’re already confident.
I’m also confused what you mean by “playing the game a level higher than everyone around you” in this context. We were talking about signalling to yourself, not to others.
If I play the game a level higher than another person than I think through the tree of possibilities and pick the node with the highest payoff, whether or not the behavior in that node looks like something that a confident person would do. If I reduce my space of possible choices to those choices that signal confidence to myself I’m less flexible to adept myself to the situation.
The same goes for proving to yourself that you are intelligent, that you are a worthy human being, that you are normal, that you are rational, that you are contrarian or even that you exist.
If you spent energy on proving those things to yourself you are constraining the field of possibilities for your actions.
If you would tell me: “Look there an attractive woman and she looks over to you in a way that indicates she’s attracted to you, go and tell her she’s beautiful and ask her for a date.”, I couldn’t do it even if I agree with your reading of the situation.
My confidence has limits and there are behaviors that are outside of my sphere of actions.
I have a friend who I have seen telling a woman: “You’re too sexy, talking to you would just distract me, so get away from me.” and he meant it 100% and didn’t interact any further with her. Behavior like that is completely out of the sphere of my actions.
I can practice my dancing turns while waiting for public transportation without caring at all for whether someone who watches me will watch me as strange and I don’t do it to prove to myself that I can do it but simply because I want to practice my turns at a particular moment in time and have a few minutes to fill till the train comes.
A month ago I was in a situation where I felt inconfident and I just told myself. No need to fight it or pretend that it isn’t there or to hide it. Just allow it to express itself and move on. If people see that I’m inconfident and that I’m vulnerable that’s okay.