1: “vent or problem solve” is itself an improvement from the standard typical mind falacy of there is exactly one thing people want when they complain, typically male: problem solve, female : vent, and they have trouble imagining other people may want to do things differently. so yeah if you want a 3rd thing or 4th thing, I assume you should specify
2. as you stated below I am under the impression “understanding the problem and myself” is under problem solve, and if people’s “problem solve” did not help you then it’s is a people problem, not a tech problem. I am assuming: venter base assumption: “problem does not exist or unsolvable” problem solver base assumption: “problem exist and solvable” everything else follow from that premise, if I understand you correctly you believe there are incantations that you can make to make people problem solve even harder/better?
3. if the book “Men are from Mars, women are from Venus” is to be believed, there are people [implied to be female] who want to be treated as pressure cooker emitting steam. e.g. of good communication from the book:
Female: I am sad about work. Male: uh huh Female: I am also upset about my coleagues. Male: I hear you. Female: my wage is too low. Male: yeah it’s tough. Female: I am so glad that you sat here and listen to me like this.
Yeah, this is appalling to me as well, but apparently some people like it that way. [extremely weak evidence] So I actually went out and did an informal poll of my accquantainces [n<20] and reading between the line [beware subjective interpretation] this seems to be what the majority of my female friends/colleagues want [4:1 ratio], and they have been docking me points for not doing it [I don’t have many female friends, this seems to explain it]. My male friends are overwhelmingly problem solver as expected. since you are a lesswrong member, I assume you should just flag your self as asking for problem solve at least 80% of the time you complain as prior?
5. Yeah I also want people to just be telepathic and know what I want. But we do not live in utopia so we better accomodate others, I think. Especially people like me who is autistic and have trouble understanding people’s messages/signals. It is just much more kind to people like me to flag what you want. I believe you are implying that the skill to determine what peple want in this case is trivial to accquire? that is to pull a number from thin air: 90% of people can accquire it with less than 10 hours of practice? I found this to be unlikely because you seem unaware that people could like being treated like a pressure cooker letting off steam so you may not be good at judging intention either.
Example from my life: Recently, I mentioned to a group of friends that I was feeling bad.
My female friend immediately assumed I wanted reassurance.
My male friends immediately went into problem-solving mode.
Neither group could imagine that I might have wanted something different in that moment.
In my opinion:
1: “vent or problem solve” is itself an improvement from the standard typical mind falacy of there is exactly one thing people want when they complain, typically male: problem solve, female : vent, and they have trouble imagining other people may want to do things differently. so yeah if you want a 3rd thing or 4th thing, I assume you should specify
2. as you stated below I am under the impression “understanding the problem and myself” is under problem solve, and if people’s “problem solve” did not help you then it’s is a people problem, not a tech problem. I am assuming:
venter base assumption: “problem does not exist or unsolvable”
problem solver base assumption: “problem exist and solvable”
everything else follow from that premise, if I understand you correctly you believe there are incantations that you can make to make people problem solve even harder/better?
3. if the book “Men are from Mars, women are from Venus” is to be believed, there are people [implied to be female] who want to be treated as pressure cooker emitting steam. e.g. of good communication from the book:
Female: I am sad about work.
Male: uh huh
Female: I am also upset about my coleagues.
Male: I hear you.
Female: my wage is too low.
Male: yeah it’s tough.
Female: I am so glad that you sat here and listen to me like this.
Yeah, this is appalling to me as well, but apparently some people like it that way. [extremely weak evidence] So I actually went out and did an informal poll of my accquantainces [n<20] and reading between the line [beware subjective interpretation] this seems to be what the majority of my female friends/colleagues want [4:1 ratio], and they have been docking me points for not doing it [I don’t have many female friends, this seems to explain it]. My male friends are overwhelmingly problem solver as expected.
since you are a lesswrong member, I assume you should just flag your self as asking for problem solve at least 80% of the time you complain as prior?
5. Yeah I also want people to just be telepathic and know what I want. But we do not live in utopia so we better accomodate others, I think. Especially people like me who is autistic and have trouble understanding people’s messages/signals. It is just much more kind to people like me to flag what you want. I believe you are implying that the skill to determine what peple want in this case is trivial to accquire? that is to pull a number from thin air: 90% of people can accquire it with less than 10 hours of practice? I found this to be unlikely because you seem unaware that people could like being treated like a pressure cooker letting off steam so you may not be good at judging intention either.
Example from my life:
Recently, I mentioned to a group of friends that I was feeling bad.
My female friend immediately assumed I wanted reassurance.
My male friends immediately went into problem-solving mode.
Neither group could imagine that I might have wanted something different in that moment.