By “in the same category” I basically meant “both are OK”.
Like, “play boardgames with friends” is kinda obviously bad place for a relationship boundry (in general, by default, yes, we probably can invent some far-fetched scenario) and for me being poly is first of all that I and my partner treat “dating/being romantically involved/having sex with someone else” also as a bad place for a relationship boundry.
If I didn’t want to play boardgames with anyone else, I would still think that forbidding my partner to play boardgames with anyone else is Not OK. And if I didn’t want to date/be romantically involved/have sex with anyone else, I would still be poly.
And there are possible relationship boundaries around other partners that I think are OK, even some we don’t practice. But they are kinda “positive” and not “negative” boundaries. Like, “you have to give me X”, not “you have to not give X to anyone else”. Does it make sense?
(Also, yes, I’m sure some people try to be poly when it doesn’t actually work for them, but I think a lot more people try to be mono when it doesn’t actually work for them. But that’s offtopic.)
Sure, this seems more plausible. I’m sure I’d still object to your understanding of some moral and practical dimensions of monogamy, but I’m also sure you’re aware of that so talking about it is unlikely to be productive for either of us. I’d ask that you reconsider the use of the word “category” if you have this discussion with others in the future, this is just not what it means.
OK, that’s a misunderstanding.
By “in the same category” I basically meant “both are OK”.
Like, “play boardgames with friends” is kinda obviously bad place for a relationship boundry (in general, by default, yes, we probably can invent some far-fetched scenario) and for me being poly is first of all that I and my partner treat “dating/being romantically involved/having sex with someone else” also as a bad place for a relationship boundry.
If I didn’t want to play boardgames with anyone else, I would still think that forbidding my partner to play boardgames with anyone else is Not OK. And if I didn’t want to date/be romantically involved/have sex with anyone else, I would still be poly.
And there are possible relationship boundaries around other partners that I think are OK, even some we don’t practice. But they are kinda “positive” and not “negative” boundaries. Like, “you have to give me X”, not “you have to not give X to anyone else”. Does it make sense?
(Also, yes, I’m sure some people try to be poly when it doesn’t actually work for them, but I think a lot more people try to be mono when it doesn’t actually work for them. But that’s offtopic.)
Sure, this seems more plausible. I’m sure I’d still object to your understanding of some moral and practical dimensions of monogamy, but I’m also sure you’re aware of that so talking about it is unlikely to be productive for either of us. I’d ask that you reconsider the use of the word “category” if you have this discussion with others in the future, this is just not what it means.
Yes, sure! That comment was not very thoughtful.