I use Tell a lot and also think it superior if applied mutually but I also find that it has the following disadvantages:
It has the highest cost on the Teller—you just have to tell more than in the other cases.
The teller has the risk of telling things that can be used against him (think not of blackmail but rather small passed opportunities due to gossip etc.).
Tell and Ask can also run into trouble: Tell: Ask: “Come to the point. What do you want? So I can say yes or no.”
I think we have to identify in which environment each of those methods work best and use the appropriate strategy. That would be rational. Some thoughts:
Tell is expensive (on both parties, but more on the teller) but allows quick establishment of rapport. It is suitable if initial trust has been established or can be assumed (e.g. in a date or in a rationalists meetup).
Ask is cheap and efficient but puts a burden on longer relationships (any kind). Use it in highly dynamic situations or if you are under time or ressource constraints aka stress. Do not use it for longer time spans.
Guess is extremely cheap on the receiver end but expensive on the teller. It is inefficient in situations where Ask wins but it is efficient where rules and norms are many and well-known as it minimizes conflict and overall cost. Use it for long term cooperation.
Of course it is probably hard to master all of these together.
Tell and Ask seem to be more compatible than Ask and Guess. I have no intuition for how compatible Tell and Guess are. I think Ask is cheaper for the teller than Guess is (in Guess, you have to formulate a plausible sentence that contains a subtle request, unless you want to force the receiver).
I really like the idea of Tell on a date; I think it’s already somewhat present in the rationalist meetup I attend.
My wife and I run into your third point pretty frequently. I Tell too many details (but how am I supposed to know which ones are already assumed?) and she Asks me to get to the point. I agree that Ask tends to be cheap and time-efficient. Except when it leads to mistakes, often because something false was assumed about what the other person’s needs or situation were.
I use Tell a lot and also think it superior if applied mutually but I also find that it has the following disadvantages:
It has the highest cost on the Teller—you just have to tell more than in the other cases.
The teller has the risk of telling things that can be used against him (think not of blackmail but rather small passed opportunities due to gossip etc.).
Tell and Ask can also run into trouble: Tell: Ask: “Come to the point. What do you want? So I can say yes or no.”
I think we have to identify in which environment each of those methods work best and use the appropriate strategy. That would be rational. Some thoughts:
Tell is expensive (on both parties, but more on the teller) but allows quick establishment of rapport. It is suitable if initial trust has been established or can be assumed (e.g. in a date or in a rationalists meetup).
Ask is cheap and efficient but puts a burden on longer relationships (any kind). Use it in highly dynamic situations or if you are under time or ressource constraints aka stress. Do not use it for longer time spans.
Guess is extremely cheap on the receiver end but expensive on the teller. It is inefficient in situations where Ask wins but it is efficient where rules and norms are many and well-known as it minimizes conflict and overall cost. Use it for long term cooperation.
Of course it is probably hard to master all of these together.
EDIT: typos
(It’s cheap, not cheep)
Tell and Ask seem to be more compatible than Ask and Guess. I have no intuition for how compatible Tell and Guess are. I think Ask is cheaper for the teller than Guess is (in Guess, you have to formulate a plausible sentence that contains a subtle request, unless you want to force the receiver).
I really like the idea of Tell on a date; I think it’s already somewhat present in the rationalist meetup I attend.
My wife and I run into your third point pretty frequently. I Tell too many details (but how am I supposed to know which ones are already assumed?) and she Asks me to get to the point. I agree that Ask tends to be cheap and time-efficient. Except when it leads to mistakes, often because something false was assumed about what the other person’s needs or situation were.